“While I have loved being in the United States Senate for the last few hours, the needs of my country must come first,” the sleep-deprived First Lady said to a stunned audience in New York early Wednesday morning. “And so, my fellow Americans, I generously offer myself as your next president.”
While constitutional scholars differed as to whether Mrs. Clinton had the right to name herself the country’s next president, aides to the history-making First Lady argued that her ascension to the White House made sense. “She’s going to save the country tons of money in relocation expenses, because all of her junk is already there,” said one aide. “Plus, she’s already got stationery and stuff like that.”
For her own part, Mrs. Clinton argued that neither Vice President Al Gore nor Texas Gov. George W. Bush was as qualified to be president as she was. “The first duty of a president is to win an election, which I have done,” she told supporters, “unlike those two wusses, I might add.”
Meanwhile, in an attempt to break the deadlock, Vice President Gore demanded a recount, while Gov. Bush demanded to know the meaning of the word “recount.”
“Don’t go confusing me with long words again,” Bush scolded reporters. “I’m no English major.”
