Mismatched libidos don’t mean that there’s something “wrong” with either of you. [3] X Research source Different sexual needs can cause tension in relationships, but you can improve the situation through communication and collaboration. [4] X Expert Source Jacqueline HellyerLicensed Psychosexual Therapist Expert Interview. 15 October 2021. Sexual compatibility encompasses more than just agreeing how often you want to have sex. It means you two agree what sex represents in a relationship and feel comfortable communicating your desires and boundaries. [5] X Expert Source Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFTLicensed Relationship Therapist Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.

Ask yourself, “Do I need sex to feel ‘complete,’ to improve my self-esteem, or to feel reassured in my relationship?” If the answer is “yes,” it might be time to talk to your partner about any emotional concerns you have in the relationship, take time to work on your own self-esteem, or reach out to a therapist for professional help.

Pick a time to talk when you’re both feeling relaxed and not actively engaged in intimacy. Ask your girlfriend about what sex means to her in a relationship and whether she’s satisfied with the amount of sex you’re having. [8] X Research source “I really love it when you initiate sex. I think it’s hot and it makes me feel wanted. What do you like about our sex life and what do you wish were different?”[9] X Research source “I like having sex with you because it makes me feel close to you. I’m curious, how often do you like to have sex in a week?” “I’ve noticed we’re not having sex as often as we used to. I know that’s normal, but I wanted to ask: is there’s anything you’d want us to do differently?”

“Do you prefer when someone initiates sex with touch or words?” “What kinds of mood, touch, and rhythms turn you on?” “Is there a time of day when you feel more into sex than other times?”

For instance, your partner might not want penetrative sex, but she might be into light touching or kissing you while you masturbate. Your girlfriend might not want to have sex after a long workday, but she might enjoy having sex in the morning. She might prefer to schedule in sex, rather than having to initiate it and worry about potential rejection. [14] X Research source

No matter why your partner doesn’t want to have sex, it’s important to avoid pressuring them or getting upset with them. It’s never okay to coerce anyone into sex, and making your partner feel guilty can reduce sexual desire even more. [16] X Research source

Pick an activity she loves and make an effort to do that alongside her, whether that’s watching her favorite movie or trying out her favorite hobby.

Non-sexual physical touch is linked to higher satisfaction in relationships.

If you feel like you’re missing the whirlwind romance from when you first started dating, try surprising your girlfriend with a weekend getaway or fun night at her favorite restaurant. [22] X Expert Source Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFTLicensed Relationship Therapist Expert Interview. 11 August 2021. If you’re worried you just don’t have as much time to connect, try to plan a weekly date night where you’ll unplug from your devices and spend quality time with each other. If you two used to go days without seeing each other but now live together, try and recreate anticipation and excitement by sending racy texts during the day while you’re out.

You can also turn to activities like exercise and art as a way to engage in something physical and tangible, so you can take your mind off sex. [25] X Research source

A large part of a sex therapist’s job focuses on simply re-establishing communication and helping you each gain an understanding of where the other person’s coming from. Sex therapists can also help treat potential sex addiction, which is when someone experiences strong, unwanted, uncontrollable thoughts and urges surrounding sex. [27] X Research source