If a narcissist ignores your no-contact rule and starts reaching out to you again, consider blocking their number, their e-mail, and their social media profiles. [1] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source If you do block them, you don’t owe them an explanation. If you want to, however, you can send a note saying something like, “Since we’re going no-contact, I’m going to be blocking you. Please don’t try to find other ways to message me. ”
Set boundaries with your friends or family if they try to get you to resume your relationship with the narcissist. Tell them something like, “While I appreciate your concern, I want to be clear that I have no interest in discussing reopening that relationship. Please respect my decision. ”
If they say something like, “You’ve always been so selfish,” respond, “I understand what you’re saying, but I disagree with your assessment of me. ” If they say, “You’ve caused me nothing but pain,” respond, “I think we have different views of the situation. ” If a narcissist is verbally attacking you over the phone or in-person, hang up or exit the room as quickly and safely as you can.
For example, if the narcissist is an ex, they might say something like: “She was always the most toxic girlfriend. ” Or, if the narcissist is a parent, they might tell their friends something like: “He’s always been an ungrateful son. ” When someone is tearing you down to other people, you’re the target of bullying. Dealing with this kind of behavior is tough, but try to remain mature and not get pulled any deeper into their drama. In their mind, reacting gives the narcissist power over you.
For instance, a narcissist ex might tell other people, “We were never really together. It wasn’t that serious. ” A narcissist friend might say something like, “I never really liked her anyways, so it’s no big deal. ” Take being discarded as an opportunity to escape this toxic relationship. If a narcissist doesn’t want anything more to do with you, this is far better than if they keep trying to suck you into their life.
Although it might feel strange watching other people get sucked into a narcissist’s orbit, it’s best not to get involved. Focus on living your own life independent of the narcissist.
A narcissist ex might tell you something like, “You never really cared about me. ” A narcissist parent could say something like, “I’ve done so much for you, and this is how you treat me?” Accept that you will likely end up the villain of the narcissist’s story. Working with a therapist to unpack any guilty feelings you might have and to improve your self-worth is the key to recovering from narcissistic abuse.
When you’re no contact with a narcissist, remember that even this kind of behavior is a transgression of your boundaries. Remind the narcissist of this by saying something like, “Thank you for saying that, but I’d prefer to stick to our no contact policy. ”
When a narcissist begs you to come back to them, this is another time to remind them that you have a no contact policy. Be direct, and say something like, “I wish you well, but I am not interested in resuming our previous relationship. Please stop reaching out to me in line with my wish to be no contact. ” A narcissist might try giving you gifts in order to win you back. If it’s possible, try returning these gifts to them and saying something simple like, “Thank you, but I don’t feel comfortable accepting this. ” Otherwise, they might end up finding more fuel for their resentment.
Ask yourself: is it a real emergency, where there is a danger to someone’s immediate safety? Or is this something that is only an emergency in their mind, and not something that you need to involve yourself in? If a narcissist breaks your no contact rule to tell you that they need you, and you’ve determined that this isn’t something you need to get involved in, it’s okay to not respond. If you do think that they need a response, direct them to other resources by saying something like, “I understand that you’re stressed about your health. I know that there are several good doctors in the area, and I’d encourage you to schedule an appointment soon as you can. ”
If a narcissist is stalking you and repeatedly finding ways to ignore your attempts to end your contact, consider filing for a restraining order. By getting the court involved, you can use legal action to ensure your own safety.
