Every relationship with a narcissist is different. The honeymoon phase is a common feature in relationships with narcissists, but your own experience might be different. [2] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.
During this honeymoon phase, a narcissist might make you feel incredibly adored and cared for. You may even believe that you’ve found your soulmate very quickly. [5] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.
Some signs you’ve moved into the devaluation phase include humiliating you in front of others, immediately dismissing your point of view, questioning your intelligence, or simply treating you like a second-class citizen. [7] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 August 2020. If you suspect that you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, keep track of moments when they seem to devalue you. Otherwise, you may only realize you’ve been treated poorly months later. You don’t deserve to be treated this way. Catching these kinds of behaviors early and confronting the narcissist about them head-on can keep the devaluation phase from escalating.
If a narcissist discards you, treat this as an opportunity to leave the relationship altogether. There are many fulfilling relationships waiting for you on the other side of this one. Once you understand that a narcissist will never give you the kind of love you deserve, you can free yourself from them. [9] X Expert Source Adam Dorsay, PsyDLicensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.
Before getting hoovered back into a relationship, try talking to a neutral friend or therapist about your relationship. They can give you the perspective you need to resist the narcissist’s allure.
“I see what you’re saying. Would you mind if I said a few words?” “I’d like to share how I see things. ” “I’ve heard what you have to say. Give me a chance to respond. ”
If your partner says something hurtful to you, reply, “I disagree with your assessment of me,” and change the subject. If you feel an argument getting heated, say, “I’m going to think about what you said. Let’s take a break from this conversation for now and revisit it tonight. ” If you feel unsafe, please leave the room as quickly and safely as possible.
“I know that you care about me, but when you criticize me in front of our friends, it makes me feel embarrassed and humiliated. If you do this again, I’m going to leave whatever social event we’re at. ” “I know that you’re intelligent, but when you dismiss my opinions, it makes me feel like you don’t value me. If you keep shutting down my contributions, I don’t want to listen to you talk about work anymore. ” “I know that you’re upset, but when you threaten to end our relationship every time we have a disagreement, I feel insecure about how strong it is. If you do this again, I’m going to leave. ”
If you are wondering if the way the narcissist in your life is acting is “normal,” ask a friend. They can give you a helpful outsider perspective. You don’t need to spend your time with your friends and family talking about the narcissist. Even a casual, friendly conversation can help remind you of life outside this relationship.
Certain people end up repeatedly entering relationships with narcissists over their life. This may be due to childhood trauma. Speaking with a therapist can help you unpack these feelings. [17] X Expert Source Adam Dorsay, PsyDLicensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.
