Sometimes, running into your ex is unavoidable. You might be in the same class or work together. In those cases, try to avoid any long and emotional conversations. If you see your ex during the no-contact period, you don’t need to be rude or run away. Acknowledge her and be friendly, keeping all conversation brief and light-hearted. [1] X Research source
Spend that time healing and treating yourself with compassion. Regardless of your part in the breakup, you don’t need to punish yourself. Practice mindfulness and work to understand your own emotions instead. [2] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
It’s best to do this if the breakup was mainly on fair terms. A cheerful “Happy birthday!” might seem out of place if your last interaction was a big fight.
Even if you decide to give your ex a chance to text first, keep track of the amount of time that passes. If it’s been more than a couple of months, consider taking the plunge and texting her first. [3] X Research source
Exes can still be friends, but even that can be awkward when she’s starting a new romance at the same time. Either reach out before she starts dating again or wait until her next relationship is firmly established to text her.
Send your ex a simple and easy “How was your day?” or “How have you been?” Extra context can also help to show her you’re not trying to start anything. You could explain that you’re just finishing dinner or got home after a night out and saw something that made you think of her.
For example, if your girlfriend was controlling or emotionally manipulative, it’s best to leave the relationship in the past. If you decide you don’t want to reconnect or be friends with her, try blocking her number for a clean break.
It’s hard to tell how someone feels over text, so take cues from your ex as best you can. If she texts back and seems open to a discussion, keep going. If she asks you not to text for a while, respect her wish—she could still be upset and need time.
Work out, or try some other form of staying active like hiking, swimming, or team sports. Spend time with friends and family. Good support systems are the key to healing from a breakup! Take a trip if you can—even a weekend getaway or a low-budget road trip. A change of scenery can be extremely helpful.
How will you start the conversation? What do you want to gain from texting her? Is this something your ex might want, or is it only for your benefit? Could this make things worse between you?
“I’m sorry that I didn’t open up to you when we dated. I know you felt lonely, and I regret that I wasn’t more emotionally vulnerable. Since we’ve been apart, I’ve been talking to someone about my issues and figuring out how to get past them. "
Getting closure is best done on a phone call or in person. Send a text to get her attention, but save the soul-searching for a verbal conversation!
Keep in mind that a discussion about getting back together is best had in person. Text your ex to invite her for a coffee or a walk in the park so you can talk.
