If you’ve broken up after a long-term relationship, you may need more time. 6 months to 1 year is a good rule of thumb if your last relationship lasted a year or more. If you feel like you need even more time, that’s okay! Everyone is different, and there’s no need to rush into anything if you don’t feel ready.
Other factors can also play a role in how long it takes for you to bounce back. For instance, it might be easier to move on from a long-distance relationship than from a relationship where you and your partner lived together. [4] X Research source
Allowing yourself to feel upset about what happened. It’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions after a breakup, including sadness, anger, frustration, guilt, confusion, or numbness. These feelings may come and go for a long time. Practicing self-care. This includes things like spending time with friends and family, getting enough sleep, eating well, doing activities you enjoy, and taking care of your daily chores and responsibilities. Building a healthy new daily routine for yourself. Reaching out to your support network when you’re feeling down. If you don’t have friends and family to turn to, consider seeing a counselor or joining a breakup support group.
Think about what part you might have played in what went wrong, and what you might do differently next time. For example, could you communicate better, or be more considerate of your next partner’s feelings?[8] X Research source Also consider your ex’s role in what happened. Are there any red flags you might have missed, like patterns of dishonesty or manipulative behavior? If so, keep them in mind so you’ll know what to look out for in your next relationship. You might need some time before you’re ready to look at your relationship in a calm and analytical way. Once you’re able to be objective about your last relationship, you’ll be in a much better position to start dating again.
Cooking meals that you like, without worrying about someone else’s preferences. Watching TV shows you enjoy instead of sticking to ones that you and your ex watched together. Working on hobbies you didn’t have time for during your relationship. Doing activities you like that your partner wasn’t necessarily interested in, such as hiking, playing video games, window shopping, or visiting museums.
For instance, you might set a goal to spend a certain amount of time together one-on-one each week, or to work together on specific areas where your relationship needs improvement (like communication or physical intimacy). Think about setting limits and boundaries, too. For instance, you might let your new partner know that you expect your relationship to be exclusive, or that you need a certain amount of alone time every day.
Your child may never be happy about you dating new people, and that’s okay. But it’s important for them to have realistic expectations about your relationship with their other parent. Try saying something like, “I know this is really hard for you, but it’s important for you to understand that your mom and I are divorced and we’re not going to get back together again. But even though I’m dating new people now, she’ll always be your mom. ”
It’s totally okay if you’re not eager to start dating again right away—even if it’s been a long time since your breakup. There’s nothing wrong with taking some time to relax and enjoy being single!
When you think about potential new partners, pay attention to whether you find yourself comparing them to your ex. If you’re able to just focus on how you feel about the new person without bringing your ex into it, that’s a good sign that you’re ready to date again. [14] X Research source
“Am I just trying to make my ex jealous right now?” “Do I want to date this person because I like them, or do I just want someone else to make me feel attractive and desirable again?” “Am I really into the idea of dating them, or am I going out with them because I’m lonely and trying to fill the void my ex left behind?”
Practicing daily self-kindness meditation. [17] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source Making a list of things you’ve accomplished or things you like about yourself. [18] X Research source Setting realistic, achievable goals for yourself and working towards them. Trying a new hobby or learning a new skill. Doing things that feel meaningful and fulfilling to you, such as volunteering to help people in need in your community.
A support group for people struggling with breakups or relationship issues can be a great place to meet new people who understand what you’re going through. Taking up a new social hobby is another good way to build new friendships. Look for clubs, groups, or classes in your area that focus on activities you enjoy. Not only will having a few good friends improve your self-confidence, but you’ll also have people to turn to if you ever have to go through another breakup.
