People naturally present their best side in their dating profiles. Getting only this information can lead you to form an idealistic impression of the person in your mind. The longer you talk to that person online, the stronger that impression becomes. If you and the other person meet when your impression is still fluid, you can adjust your idea of them more easily. At the same time, you know enough about them that the first time meeting them doesn’t feel like meeting a complete stranger.
Deciding to move your relationship offline within a few days of meeting is more common if you find that the two of you have friends in common or run in some of the same circles. For example, you might say, “I can’t believe we haven’t just run into each other before!” At the same time, be cautious if the other person is pressuring you to meet up immediately and you’re not comfortable with that. If the feeling’s mutual, you’ll know, but being pressured into an early meeting is a red flag. [2] X Research source
People tend to feel that they are unique, so they like it if you personalize your message so it seems as though you could only write it to them. For example, you might reference something in their profile directly and ask them about it: “I see that you enjoy running. Were you in the 5k here last week?” You might also ask questions based on the values someone lists in their profile. For example, you might say, “I know that family is important to you. Tell me about one of your favorite experiences with your family. "
For example, suppose you ask the person if they have any siblings, and they say they have 2 sisters. From there, you might ask them about their sisters, how old they are, what kind of relationship they had when they were kids, if they’re close now, and how often they see each other. You can also use their answers to springboard to another topic really organically. For example, if they say one of their sisters plays softball, you could continue asking about their sister or you could ask them if they play any sports.
Some people say they’re only interested in something casual because they don’t want to scare others off. But good relationships are founded on open and honest communication, so it’s best to be open from the beginning about what you want.
Typically, you’ll want to have several conversations with the person before you jump to this level—but you still might’ve only talked to them for a couple of days.
They contradict themselves or change their story several times. At best, this means they’re lying to you. If they can’t be honest with you before you even meet in person, what does that say for the future? You can’t verify much, if any, information about them. It’s unlikely that someone you meet online has no digital footprint. If you can’t find them anywhere else online, they could be using a false identity to try to scam you or hurt you. They seem too good to be true. Someone who seems like they agree with everything you say and check every box on your “ideal significant other” checklist might be hiding something. Nobody’s perfect, and while they might just be trying to impress you, they might also be trying to lure you into an abusive relationship. They start rattling off a checklist of traits they expect in a future partner. Everyone has their preferences, but a long list of demands could mean that they’re controlling or will try to change you. [8] X Research source
It’s not necessarily a red flag if the person doesn’t want to connect to you on social media right away—remember, you’re a stranger to them too. They’re also entitled to protect their privacy. If you do gain access to their social media, check out their posts and the comments and likes. Do they seem to have several friends who know them in real life and comment regularly? That typically indicates that they’re a real person with a normal social life. Click through their friends as well. Even if you can’t see much of these people’s accounts, you should be able to get a sense of the person’s different social circles. For example, they might have some friends they went to school with and some others that they work with. In addition to confirming that you’re talking to a real person, you can also use their social media to find out a little more about their likes and dislikes, background, hobbies, and interests. All of this gives you more stuff to talk to them about.
Video calls also allow you to have more nuanced conversations. You can introduce more humor because the other person can see you and hear your tone of voice. After a video call, you’ll also have a better idea of how to read the person’s texts to you. Because you know how they generally talk, you can understand more about their tone and how to take their messages. It can help you decide if you want to meet them in person or not.
For example, if you’re a masculine-presenting person, you might wear well-fitting dark-wash jeans and a pressed button-up shirt. If you’re a feminine-presenting person, a casual skirt or dress is always a good option. Choose something comfortable that you can easily move around in without worrying about a “wardrobe malfunction,” especially if you have something more active planned for your first date.
For example, you might make plans to see a small local art exhibit together that only takes about 20 minutes to walk through. Stick to the time limit for the first meeting to set your boundaries. If you want to continue to see the person, make plans to meet up again instead of extending your initial meeting. You’ll end on a high note and look forward to seeing each other again. Even a basic, rather open-ended date like meeting up for coffee can be brief if you tell the other person from the outset that you have something to do at a specific time. For example, if you meet on your lunch break, that means you have to go back to work.
This doesn’t mean you can’t go with the stand-by coffee date—but get your coffee and go for a walk around the block rather than just sitting there. You might consider a more organized activity, such as mini-golf, as well. But activities like that are usually better for future dates unless it’s something you do often and feel really comfortable with.
For example, you might say, “There’s a special showing of that movie we were talking about next Thursday. Do you want to go with me?” If you were playing a game or doing something active, you might playfully suggest a rematch. For example, you might say, “I can’t believe you beat me—must be beginner’s luck. Care for a rematch on Saturday?” Maintain your texting relationship in between the two dates. Generally, it’s a good sign if you’re naturally texting each other at about the same frequency after the first date that you were before.
