Even when you’re positive that the feelings are real, a few months is rarely enough to learn everything about your partner or understand how you’ll permanently function as a pair. You need enough time to see your partner at their worst and their best. That way, you can be reassured that you’ll outlast any challenge together in the marriage.
You might be tempted to move more quickly since it’s your second marriage—and because you have more wisdom now, speed isn’t a bad thing. However, it’s still advised that you wait at least a year, if not two, before marriage.
Be honest with yourself, even if the true answer isn’t one you want to consider. You deserve to remarry for true love, and so does your partner.
It’s common to have negative emotions follow you after a divorce, whether you still resent your ex or struggle with commitment issues. Talk to your partner about any struggles you may be having and figure out the best way to help you heal so you’re ready to remarry. If you have trouble coming to terms with your first marriage by yourself, consider getting a therapist. They can give you support and valuable insights as you move forward with your new relationship. [6] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
As you slowly leave your comfort zone by building up to more vulnerable conversations, you’ll become more confident in your ability to do so. Let your walls down and welcome the trickier conversations you’ll have with your spouse. [8] X Research source If you have trouble with vulnerability, try scheduling regular weekly talks with your partner and being open with one another during this time.
Compare one another’s income and overall financial situation, including debts, if either of you has them. Draft a savings plan and retirement plan for both of you. Figure out how you’d arrange a monthly budget. Make a plan for emergencies. How would you support one another if one lost their job?
Kids are one reason that waiting 2+ years to remarry can be a good idea; too many changes at once can upset them. Make a plan for co-parenting with your partner to make the transition from two families to a blended household smoother.
Try to empathize during disagreements, so you can understand and graciously acknowledge one another’s perspectives. [12] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source Make sure you’re fighting to understand one another and not fighting to win. You and your partner are a team, not opponents. [13] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Be willing to forgive and let go when an argument is pointless. Sometimes agreeing to disagree is the healthier decision.
Rather than comparing and putting expectations on your partner, try to give them a confidence boost. Give them sincere compliments and touch them affectionately, whether you’re holding hands or cuddling on the couch.
You can follow your instincts to a certain extent. But it is a serious impactful decision in your life, so it is better to take some time to think about it You can ask yourself whether the person makes you feel happy or counterbalances some of your weaknesses and strengths. Can you see yourself building a life with them.
