Online databases let you search by area, by specialty, and by accepted insurance plans. You can also ask your primary care physician for recommendations/referrals. If you trust your primary doctor, it’s probably safe to trust their recommendations. If any trustworthy friends or family members have gone through marriage counseling, you might consider asking them for recommendations. You may however not wish to do this if you don’t want others to know you’re seeking counseling. A licensed marriage counselor will have the title Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) or similar depending where you are but you can speak to a counselor that is not an LMFT and has relevant experience. While a regular counselor or psychologist may have experience working with couples, it’s important to find a therapist who has the specialized experience that you need. Ask the counselor about their training and credentials. Additionally, you should ask which area of couples therapy they specializes in, such as marriage counseling after infidelity or after the loss of a child.
If you’re signing up for marriage counseling, you want to ensure that you and your partner will be able to make it to every session. Choose a counselor whose practice hours coincide with your (and your partner’s) schedule.
Check with your insurance company if counseling/therapy is covered. Most insurance companies will not pay for marriage counseling itself. If one of you has a relevant diagnosis, the therapist may use this to bill your insurance plan. You may only be covered for therapists within a specified network or practice. Ask the counselor you’re interested in if they offer a sliding scale. Many therapists recognize that some people do not have a comprehensive insurance plan (or any insurance at all), and are willing to work with those patients at a reduced rate.
Typically, after graduating from an accredited program, a counselor will complete a mandatory post-degree supervised clinical training program. This is usually required, regardless of the counselor’s degree earned. You may also find a PhD-level licensed professional counselor (LPC) or psychologist with extensive experience counseling couples.
You can often find information about a given therapist’s licensing status by checking that therapist’s website. If you cannot find that information there, ask the therapist directly.
One of the biggest professional organizations for marriage counselors is the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT). [4] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source AAMFT requires supervised training and mandatory coursework of all members to ensure quality and consistency.
Ask the therapist how they would want to proceed with treatment, and whether they use any particular therapeutic modality in their practice. Then read up about that treatment plan to see if you think it could help you. [5] X Research source A good therapist will suggest different techniques and treatment strategies for you to work on at home between sessions. Find out about the therapist’s projected treatment plan. You should specifically ask how many sessions you can expect to have, how long each session will last, and what kind of timetable you can expect for results.
You should specifically ask the therapist at what point they considers divorce to be a viable option and when they think you should try to stop or avoid it.
If a therapist says there is only one way to have a successful marriage, you should consider finding someone else to work with. Ask a therapist you’re interested in what their personality is like. That may give you some insight into how well they’d fit with you and your spouse. [8] X Research source Determine what kinds of patients the therapist works with before you describe your problem. That way you’ll know whether he can help you right off the bat. Describe yourself, your spouse, and your marital problem(s). Ask the counselor how they think the first session or two might go when dealing with that problem to get a sense of what to expect.
Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy works to rebuild the foundation of marriage by focusing on repairing trust, fostering emotional intimacy, and rekindling feelings of love and affection. The Gottman Method works to rebuild a marriage by first changing the behaviors of each partner. This method emphasizes communication skills, conflict resolution, strengthening the friendship within a marriage, and being more caring/considerate partners to one another.
You won’t see results overnight, but if you haven’t seen any improvement in your marriage after several weeks’ worth of sessions, you may want to consider looking for another therapist. [10] X Research source A good therapist should make both spouses feel respected and heard. If your therapist takes sides or “gangs up” on you or your spouse, you should consider looking for another therapist. [11] X Research source Don’t get frustrated. Saving a marriage takes time and effort from both you and your partner, you won’t be able to do it alone. If the therapist you’re seeing isn’t helping you reach your clearly-defined goals, it’s worth your marriage to find one who will.
