If you have a hard time letting go of the regret, write a letter to the deceased person. Say the good things about the relationship and also what you wish you could have said or done. Put this letter in a special place or bury it in a special location.
Talk to someone who is unbiased to get a different perspective. You can talk to someone not involved, like a friend or a therapist. Say, “Even though this outcome was not what I would have liked, I did what I thought was best at the time and release myself from placing all the blame onto myself. ”
Say to yourself, “I have suffered for the decisions I have made, yet I am willing to forgive myself and move on from this point forward. I allow myself to grow from this experience. ”
With practice, you can train yourself to focus on something more productive than feelings of regret. Practice attending to your breathing. Focus on your breath, noticing your inhales and exhales.
By focusing on your senses, you’re allowing yourself to bring yourself back to the moment and distance yourself from regret.
Practice caring for and about yourself. Treat yourself like you would treat a best friend. Care about your own thoughts, feelings, actions, and reactions. When you feel like you’re not good enough, ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend feeling this way?”
For example, if someone in your family died and there were problems with other members of the family, sort any issues that can be sorted.
Regret may lead you to think about how you treat people in your life. For example, if someone you love died, you may regret not visiting enough or making time for this person. This can lead to a different approach to relationships where you begin to prioritize people in your life in a way that you never have before.
If you regret not spending enough time with someone before he or she died, acknowledge the time you did spend together. Reflect on the positive aspects of the relationship, both what you cherish and what the other person cherished.
Think about what positive aspects this relationship had in your life and in this person’s life. Express gratitude for the role each of you played in each other’s life. Giving gratitude has many lasting physical, emotional, and social benefits. Gratitude can also block negative emotions as it’s impossible to feel both grateful and upset at the same time.
