Many women prefer long-term relationships over hookups, and can tell which one a guy wants. Chances are, if you approach a girl solely to have sex with her, she’ll know what you’re up to. Arrogance and playing yourself up to be “manlier” than you really are will backfire, as many women are interested in people who care about the feelings of others. She’ll also discover it eventually if you were faking masculinity. Women are often emotion-based, so it’s important to be sensitive and put yourself in her shoes. If you say something rude, she won’t appreciate it. While many women want to find a partner, they often prefer friendships first. It’s best to approach a girl with the intent of making a friend, not getting a date.
Avoid calling women terms like “btches”, “slts”, “wh*res”, or any other terms considered derogatory towards women. Avoid swearing, as well. This will turn many girls away from you. Don’t comment on her body. Unless you’re out at a club, you’re not going to get a girl to want to go anywhere with you if the first thing you comment on is her breasts or butt - or any other part of her, for that matter, as you may creep her out. Try to avoid commenting on her body, especially with your opening lines. There’s a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. However, nobody likes to be sexually harassed. A woman who looks uncomfortable towards your sexual advances or asks you to stop does not want you to keep making those comments, and you may be sexually harassing her. Show respect, above all. Treating anyone - male or female - like they’re lesser than you will not only make you seem callous and dismissive, but it will also drive most people away from you (girls included) when they see how you treat others.
Be aware that some people may have very valid concerns, so at least take the time to listen to them and consider them. In particular, if female friends or family members are giving you warnings, take note and heed them. Girls often know what other girls like and don’t like.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you shouldn’t work on things that are in your control. Your grooming habits, for example, are within your control, and are important to control; a girl won’t be very inclined to talk to you if you haven’t showered or worn deodorant in three days and your shirt is covered in old pizza grease stains.
There are many reasons a girl may reject you. She may not be comfortable with talking to someone she doesn’t know, she might already have plans, she may already have a partner, she may not be attracted to you, she may be worried you’re only interested in her for her body, and many more reasons. Just as you wouldn’t want to date every single girl you’d come across, she doesn’t want to date every single person she comes across, either. You do not have the right to force anyone to do anything they do not want to do. Regardless of what the girl doesn’t want to do, if she says no, she means no. You do not want to be “one of those people” who takes the phrase “bad with rejection” to serious extremes. Respect a “no”, apologize, and drop the subject.
Shopping malls. Lots of people in malls are in a fun mood. Gyms. Plenty of women go to gyms for their workouts. Concerts. This is a great place to meet girls with common interests, if you really like the band or artist. Meetup groups. You can find plenty of local meetup groups online. These groups organize social events on a regular basis, and you can find something that you’re interested in. Even if you don’t meet girls, you’re more likely to make friends this way. Libraries. Although these places are usually quiet, if you’re careful, you can approach bookworm girls and have a decent conversation. Any place where she won’t feel cornered. Don’t try to approach her at a party, on a subway, or any other place where she doesn’t have an escape route to say no. [7] X Expert Source Candice MostisserDating Coach Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.
Of course, if there’s a genuine reason for you not to approach her (for example, she’s clearly focused on something else, or she’s working a job), listen to your gut instinct. Most people don’t like being broken out of their focus, and you don’t want to distract her from her work. Keep the distance in mind. Make sure that you are respecting her space and not getting too close. If you would not be able to touch her by reaching your arm straight out, that is a good distance to start. [9] X Expert Source Eddy BallerDating Coach Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.
You can always go with a question that anyone would ask, such as, “Hi, do you know if there’s a coffee shop around here?”, but the downside to this is that you may not have much to talk about with that kind of opening. Common ground is a good starting point. For example, if you’re at a concert, a quiet moment would be a good time to ask, “How’d you discover this band?” Avoid starting off a conversation by commenting on her appearance - whether it’s about certain parts of her, or just telling her that she looks pretty. This can cause awkwardness and make the whole thing fall flat. However, if she’s wearing something that’s a reference to something you know about, you can say something about that, such as, “Nice shirt! You watch that TV show, too?”. Steer clear of questions that can be answered with a “yes” or “no” response, since it’s hard to continue a conversation with most of those. Try not change the subject randomly. Instead, come up with some follow-up questions that are related to what she’s talking about. [11] X Expert Source Candice MostisserDating Coach Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.
Maintain eye contact. [13] X Expert Source Eddy BallerDating Coach Expert Interview. 7 February 2020. Eye contact shows a girl that you’re interested in what she has to say. Don’t stare her down, though, or she’ll become uncomfortable. [14] X Research source Smile. Smiling can portray a friendliness that makes her more willing to talk to you. Make sure it’s a natural smile, though, or else she’ll become creeped out. Be a good listener. [15] X Expert Source Candice MostisserDating Coach Expert Interview. 24 January 2020. Truly listen when she is talking; don’t think about the next thing you’re going to say. If you zone out, you only prove to her that you don’t think whatever she’s talking about is something you’re going to listen to. [16] X Research source Don’t cross your arms or legs or put anything in front of you, as this is a sign of being disinterested and closed off; it’s often seen as “barricading” yourself.
Open body language, a genuine smile, laughter, and carrying on the conversation without having to be prompted are signs that she’s fairly comfortable. [17] X Research source If she’s smiling uncomfortably, not making eye contact, facing her body away from you, or giving monotone one-word answers, she’s most likely not interested. Wrap up the conversation, thank her for her time, and move on.
Learn about her interests. Asking her what she likes to do for fun is a good start. If you saw her doing something that could be seen as a hobby (e. g. you met her at the gym, or saw her painting something), it’s also great to ask her if she likes to perform that activity (e. g. “Do you like painting?” or “Do you come to the gym often?”). She may ask you about yourself. Be prepared for this; have an interesting anecdote about yourself. Don’t lie; she’ll find out eventually, and no good relationship is built on a lie. Obviously, use common sense; avoid using profanity before she does. And never make sexual comments about her or other girls!
Planning a theoretical future date is a great way to flirt. [19] X Expert Source Candice MostisserDating Coach Expert Interview. 24 January 2020. If she says that she’s busy immediately afterwards, try to arrange a time when you can see each other again. Noncommittal answers or not making concrete plans to meet you, as well as constantly sidestepping making plans (e. g. she always has “something to do” on every suggested date and time) is a sign that she’s not interested in seeing you again, and that you shouldn’t press the matter any further.
Call or text her within the next day or two of meeting her. This is very important, as the more you delay contacting her, the more likely she’s going to forget who you are and lessen your chances of seeing her again. Calling her instead of texting may be more effective, since it not only reflects someone who is confident, but it’s more personal than texting, and also provides an opportunity where you both can start a conversation from where you left off.
