If you are affected by the same situation that is upsetting her. If you are shaken up, disturbed, or hurt by the situation that made her cry, you might not be in a good position to help her. If this is the case, you might want to seek out a support network who can help both you and her cope with whatever is going on. [5] X Research source If she is crying from joy. Scientists aren’t exactly sure why, but someone who is overcome with happiness might cry uncontrollably, just like someone who is scared or sad. [6] X Research source In cases like these, congratulating your friend or lover might be more appropriate than trying to comfort her! If she is crying because you two had a fight. Before stepping in to comfort her, you might want to calm down by yourselves for a while to make sure that the argument doesn’t start back up again.
Keep in mind that comforting is not about changing the other person’s feelings. Be especially careful not to turn the conversation back to yourself: this is about her. Don’t make it about you. Even if she’s not behaving in the way you would, that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t deserve comfort, or that she deserves to be sad. [11] X Research source Avoid phrases such as, “If I were in your shoes,” “Have you tried . . . ,” or “When that happened to me, I didn’t make such a big deal out of it. "
In general, avoid any commands, negative language, or imperatives. Stay away from phrases such as, “Don’t cry,” “You shouldn’t be sad,” or “That doesn’t sound too bad. " It won’t help her to claim to know all of the answers. Resist rushing right into what you think she should or shouldn’t do to resolve her problems. Don’t claim claim to know everything she is going through and how to fix it. This may just make her feel invalidated. People who are crying because of a mental illness such as severe anxiety or depression might actually feel worse, not better, after crying. [13] X Research source If you think she might be crying because of a mental illness, you should still offer comfort and support, but you should also suggest that she see a doctor so that she can get the necessary treatment.
“That sucks. . . I’m really sorry that happened!” “I understand that this must be very painful. " “That sounds very frustrating. I’m sorry. " “No wonder you are upset. This sounds like a very difficult situation. " “I’m so sorry that happened to you. "
While offering a tissue can sometimes be interpreted as a caring gesture, it might also send the signal that you want the crying to stop. Only provide a tissue if the crying person asks for one or seems to be looking around for one.
You can also observe her body language to determine whether she might be open to comforting touch. Defensive body language such as clenched fists, crossed arms and legs, or avoiding eye contact might mean that she would rather you backed off a little bit. [18] X Research source
Let her know that you’re here to help her, but don’t force it. Her idea of help may be simply having someone to talk to. Often listening is the best way to help comfort someone. [20] X Research source Ask open-ended questions about whether you can help her out. For example, “Is there anything I can do to help?” or “I’d really like to help–can you think of anything that might make your situation better?” might be good ways to start a conversation about how you can lend a hand. Sometimes someone who is upset is too overwhelmed to suggest ways for you to help her. If this is the case, try providing a list of a few specific things you might be able to do to comfort her. For example, you might ask if she might like to go out for ice cream, or if she would like for you to stop by later with a movie you could watch together. See if she responds positively to any of those comforting suggestions. [21] X Research source
For example, if she is crying because she is stressed out from work, you might offer to do some extra chores around the house to give her more time to focus on her job. If she is crying because she had a fight with a friend, you might discuss ways for her to repair that relationship.
Remember that there is nothing unprofessional about tears at work. Most people cry sometimes, so crying at work is bound to happen at one time or another. [24] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source Tell her reassuring things if she seems embarrassed, such as “It is okay to cry,” or “There’s nothing embarrassing about crying–we’re all human!”
“I know I’m your colleague, but I’m also happy to be your friend if you need someone to talk to. Do you want to talk?” “My door is always open if you need to talk about something difficult. " “Is there something I can help you with? Even if it’s not about work, I am happy to listen. "
For example, you might not want to offer a hug unless she asks for one. If you want to call her outside of work to check up on her, you should ask whether she would be comfortable with that.
For example, she might need to take some time off, or you might help her make a plan to get through a difficult professional task. Only take action if she wants your action, however. It’s easy to get caught up in trying to fix things the way that you think is best. However, she may not want help or may need something other than what you think she needs. The last thing you want to do is to make a situation worse. Don’t try to step in about personal matters too much. Don’t feel like you need to solve personal problems of a co-worker. Also, if you don’t know her very well, do not presume that you know how to solve her problems. Be there to comfort her and listen, and focus on workplace issues. If you see no way that you are able to help her fix the problem, then apologize and tell her that you cannot help her fix the problem. If you know anyone whom you think can help her fix the problem, recommend that she talk to them and enlist their help.
