Let them take the lead, but give them plenty of opportunities by checking in on them frequently, inviting them over for dinner, going for a walk together, or getting coffee. Don’t force talking about the deceased pet, but if they seem to want to talk about the pet, let them know you will not get tired of listening. Be prepared for the unexpected. Some people grieve by not talking about their loss at all; other people repeat the details of the pet’s death over and over in extreme detail. You might think you know how your friend will respond to death, but you may end up surprised. Similarly, your friend might grieve silently one day and then weep all day the next. [2] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Try not to compare your friend’s loss to anything in your own life, or to make their sorrow about you by talking about your own troubles. If you don’t know what to say when someone is grieving, often just saying that you love your friend and will support them through this time is enough.
Bring over photos or other mementos of the pet. Share a post on social media about how much the pet meant to you so that your friend will see your support. Include a photo or a funny story if you have one.
Also keep in mind that many people experiencing intense grief will not be able to articulate their own needs; their minds are often preoccupied with loss and sadness. Think about your friend’s daily life and fill the needs you can. Bring them coffee, bring in their mail or newspapers, offer to do their laundry or housekeeping; anticipate their needs if you can.
Casseroles and other one-pot meals are often a great choice because your friend can freeze half of it for later. In fact, you might prepare extra and freeze a portion for them.
Increasingly, community centers, libraries, and churches offer support groups for pet bereavement; you can search online to see if there is one near you. Some veterinarians even offer grief counseling. [5] X Research source Offer to attend with your friend to give your support. There are also therapists and psychologists who specialize in bereavement and pet loss, especially for companion animals.
Consider marking on your calendar the pet’s birthday and day of death, so that you can be prepared to offer extra support when those anniversaries come around. [6] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Let your friend know you are thinking of them. A simple card that says “I’m thinking of you and (pet’s name) today” is enough. Don’t offer empty platitudes like “The pet is in a better place,” or “You will feel better soon. “[7] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Some flower delivery services offer special bouquets in memory of a lost pet. Check to see what is available from your favorite florist.
If you are artistically talented, consider painting a portrait of the pet. You can also commission paintings of pets for reasonable prices on websites like Etsy or from local artists. You could also consider making or purchasing a dog memorial stone for your friend’s garden. These are available for purchase at pet stores and online, and often come engraved with the pet’s name and dates of birth and death.
For example, if their pet loved children, you might make a donation or spend time volunteering with an organization that trains therapy dogs for children. Or maybe they had a favorite park where she loved to bring the dog; consider donating to the park to build a bench or dog run, planting a tree, or spending time volunteering at the park to pick up trash. Send a card or letter to your friend and include a beautiful, handwritten note explaining what you did in the dog’s honor. You can also make a donation in the pet’s name to your local humane society.
Pets can fill the same psychological role as a sibling, partner, or child. While that might seem extreme, any pet lover can tell you that the human-animal bond is deep. Losing a pet is very similar in many ways to losing a loved one of the human variety.
Owning companion pets can reduce rates of depression and increase serotonin and dopamine levels, which increase feelings of calm and happiness. In people with dementia and Alzheimer’s disease, owning a pet can reduce symptoms such as aggression and anxiety. [8] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source If your friend was accustomed to regularly walking her dog, she may now be getting considerably less exercise. [9] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source It should be no surprise that the death of a pet may precede health problems for a bereaved owner, likely because there is no longer a pet to help comfort and relieve stress. Help your friend to find other ways to relieve stress in their life and stay active, such as going for a walk, taking up yoga, joining a book club, or finding a creative outlet like painting or music. Since your friend is already feeling lonesome because of the loss of their pet, offer to attend classes or otherwise partake of these stress-relieving activities with her.
Grief is a very personal process that is different for everyone. There is no timetable for your friend’s grief. [11] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source [12] X Expert Source Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYTLicensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist Expert Interview. 24 April 2020. Your friend may even feel embarrassed or ashamed to talk about their loss with others, because many people do not understand the psychological intensity of pet bereavement. They might fear that you will think they are overreacting or that they should not grieve so intensely.
Keep in mind that they may decide never to adopt another pet. Their beloved pet cannot be replaced, after all, any more than a human child could be replaced. [13] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source If your friend is a senior living by themselves, a new pet might be a good idea to provide companionship and a sense of purpose. Still, it is your friend’s decision to make, and should not be forced on them. [14] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Try not to talk about the euthanasia decision or process unless they do first. In that situation, let them know that they made a loving, difficult choice and that it was the right thing to do. Assure them, if they ask or seem concerned, that the euthanasia process itself is closely monitored to ensure that it is humane, fast, and painless for the pet, who simply falls asleep.
