For instance, if they had a parent die after a long and complicated illness, of course, they are going to feel sad. But they also may be feeling some relief that the illness is over and some guilt on top of that for the relief they are feeling. For this kind of situation, a person’s feelings might be too complicated and overwhelming for them to open up at first but you can help them.
For instance, you could say something such as “I heard that your father died. That must have been really tough. Do you want to talk about it?”
For instance, try not to say things like, “Well, at least you’re still alive,” “It isn’t all bad,” or “Cheer up!” Instead, if you must say something, try phrases such as, “It’s okay to feel bad; you’re going through a tough time. "
You may be able to offer solutions near the end of the conversation, but at the beginning, focus on listening. [6] X Research source
Part of staying focused is not daydreaming either. Also, don’t be sitting there trying to think about what you want to say next. Actually take in what they’re saying.
Also, keep your body language open. That is, don’t cross your arms and legs, and point yourself towards the person. [9] X Research source
For example, you could say, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t really know what to say to make it better, and I know no words really could. But I want you to know that I’m here for you when you need me. "
For example, you could say, “I’d like to give you a hug. Would you like that?”
Of course, the stigma around seeing a counselor is unjust. You may even need to convince your friend that it’s perfectly fine to see a counselor. You’ll be helping to combat that stigma by letting your friend know you’ll still see them as the same person even if they need a little help. [15] X Expert Source Tracy Carver, PhDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 7 January 2021.
If the person seems uncertain about asking you for help, offer up concretes suggestions. For instance, you could say, “I’d love to be able to help. I can drive you somewhere if you need me, or I can help by bringing food over, for example. Just let me know what you need. "
