Look at their pictures as well—not just to see how they look, but to get an idea of their personality and how social and adventurous they are.
For example, if the person has a picture of them skiing, you could say, “So I saw that you’re a skier. What’s your favorite mountain around here? I need to get back on the slopes. ” Don’t make up a similarity if you don’t have one; instead, play off your differences. Send a teasing text like, “So you’re a skier? I’m more of a snowboarder myself, but I guess we can still try to be friends. ”
You can go with something as simple as a knock knock joke, or make a funny, personalized comment like, “I see you like pizza and I need to know: pineapple or no pineapple? No pressure, but this is extremely important. ” You can also start off the conversation with a funny gif or meme. Avoid making sexual references. This can come off as overly-aggressive and off-putting. [2] X Research source
You could say, for example, “I saw that you went skydiving, that’s so cool. I’ve been wanting to go for forever. ” Try a backhanded compliment for a more playful, challenging tone, like “So I see you’ve finished a marathon, but come back to me when you can do something really impressive, like eat 10 hot dogs in a row. ”
If you’re really stuck, try sending something like “What’s up?” instead. This keeps your tone simple and casual but still invites a response from the person you’re messaging.
Start with questions about what they like to do in their free time, their friends, their job, and things they love, like food, movies, or sports. From there, slowly transition into deeper subjects you’re genuinely curious about. Don’t jump into sensitive topics just yet. Stay away from questions about religion, politics, and other potentially touchy subjects until you’ve met in-person.
Even “white lies” about small things can add up over time. Remember that you want this person to like you for who you are, not the person you think they want you to be. Show them your true personality, too. Stick to your natural sense of humor and mode of speaking to give them a sense of your communication style and character.
For example, don’t start a conversation with something overtly negative, like, “Ugh, I really hate my job. ” Instead, try something like, “Today was insane at work! So happy to be home. ”
This can be a great way to point out and laugh about some of the strangeness of online dating. You could say, “Sending these messages is always so awkward, but I was looking at your profile and think you’re really interesting. Would love to get to know you more :)”
You can also use this technique to gauge a potential date’s interest. If they seem to be mimicking or shifting towards your messaging style, it could be a sign that they’re attracted to you.
Avoid asking other people for their personal details as well. Never give someone you met online money. [8] X Expert Source Maya Diamond, MARelationship Coach Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.
Use your best judgment to decide when to ask them out. You want to know enough about them to ensure that your connection is deeper than just physical attraction, and it should feel like a natural next step in your relationship. Avoid asking someone out within a day or 2 of messaging them. This can come off as desperate and needy. Even if you’re making a fast connection, waiting a few more days will feel more natural and relaxed.
Respond to messages that mention something on your profile, like a particular interest, or show that they tried to make a kind of connection. You can delete or just not respond to plain messages like “hi” or “what’s up. ” You especially don’t have to respond if the message is offensive or rude. You can even block people that you don’t want to contact you, especially if they’re persistent.
You could say, for example, “Hi James, thanks for the message. You seem like a good guy but I don’t think I’m the right fit. Wishing you all the best. ” If you’ve been chatting for a while and want to break it off, say something like, “I think our connection is more platonic,” or, “You’re a great person, but I just don’t feel the chemistry between us. ”
Say something like, “Hey, it’s been really great chatting with you. Unfortunately, I’m realizing that I really don’t have time for a relationship right now with everything going on in my work and family life. Wishing you all the best. ”
You can say something like, “Your messages have really made me laugh, but I just don’t see our relationship going any further. You’re a great person and I know there’s someone out there for you. ”
If you feel bad for shutting them down, just remember that you’re doing the right thing for both of you in the long run. You’re freeing both of you up to find better matches.
Say something like, “Please stop messaging me. I’m not interested and your comments are pretty offensive. I will block you if you keep sending me messages. ” Look at the settings on your social media or online dating platform to see how to report or block people.
