For example, you could pull them aside and say, “Hey, can we talk for a few minutes? I know work has been busy, but I’m concerned that it affects our time together. ” As another example, you could say something like, “I feel a little nervous and stressed because this is my first relationship. Do you have a couple of minutes so I can tell you why I’m concerned?”
For example, you could say something like, “I feel frustrated when I’m cut off during conversations because I don’t feel respected. I was hoping we could wait until the other person finishes talking before saying something. ” Avoid starting sentences with phrases like, “you are,” “you should,” “you need,” or “you have to. ”[6] X Research source Don’t be disrespectful to them. It’s okay if something made you angry, but look for a constructive way to say it. For example, instead of saying, “You always leave a huge mess,” you could say, “I noticed the mess on the floor and it makes me a little anxious. Can we clean it up?”
What things make you happy and make you feel connected? What makes you disappointed? What things are uncomfortable for you to talk about and what keeps you from bringing them up? How would you like me to communicate with you differently? It can be pretty hard for some people to open up, but it will get better as long as you keep working on your communication.
Do activities together and show her your hobbies to be more affectionate and strengthen your bond.
If you’re not sure what they mean, be direct and ask them rather than assuming something else.
Remember that it’s completely normal to disagree and argue in a relationship, but be sure you’re mindful of how they’re feeling about the issue.
Giving someone the silent treatment only makes it harder for them to know how you’re really feeling. Be vocal about how you feel instead.
Avoid trying to think of the next thing you want to say since it distracts you from really listening to them. [16] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020. If you’re confused by anything your partner said, ask them to clarify it. You could also try repeating back what they said and asking if you understand it correctly. [17] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
For example, if you said “I love you” using a bored, flat tone, they can’t tell if you’re being genuine or if you’re upset.
For example, if they respond more to the sense of touch, lightly rubbing their arm when you say “I love you” can make it feel more meaningful. As another example, if they say something like, “I want to go out to eat,” they’re saying it directly. If they said, “I wish we would go to more restaurants,” they communicate more indirectly. The only way to really tell how someone likes to communicate is by talking with them more. If you’re still not sure what communication style they prefer, ask them. For example, you could say, “I don’t want to miscommunicate and cause a misunderstanding. How would you like to talk about issues with you?”
For example, avoid saying something like, “Why are you so angry? You’re overreacting. ” Instead, you could say something like, “I understand why you’re angry and it makes sense why that made you upset. ”
