“I’m just nervous because I think he’s cute. I’ve been around other cute boys and it’s no big deal. I’m going to be OK. " “I know that I sometimes get anxious around him. But that’s alright; people sometimes get anxious around crushes. I’m going to do my best anyway. "
Beat fixation by first recognizing and acknowledging it and then restoring perspective by listening all the positive and negative points. [3] X Research source If you have difficulty doing this, talk with a trusted adult and ask them to help you.
Try to act confidently natural when you’re around your crush. Make eye contact, smile, and listen to what they’re saying. Also, try not to fidget too much, since that can make you look more nervous. [6] X Expert Source Collette GeeRelationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.
Excuse yourself to the restroom. Tell your friends you need to step outside for some air. Explain that you are feeling restless and have decided to take a short walk.
When talking with your crush, instead of saying, “I love you,” it may be best to say something like: “I’ve been noticing lately that I really enjoy your company and I always have so much fun with you, so I was thinking if you’re up for it we could go to a movie?”
“Alright. I’m really nervous, but that’s OK. I’ve been nervous around guys I like before. I know I can get this work done, all I have to do is focus. So I’m going to turn my attention to this for a while, and I can think about him later. "
Try not to think about your future together or what might come; focus your thoughts only on that person and their characteristics for the entirety of the time.
Think of past times when you’ve had fun, or a place where you feel safe and protected. Repeat a mantra that you find soothing. Some examples: “Everything’s going to be OK. " “I am calm, cool, and collected. " “With every breath, I release anxiety and become more calm. " “I overcome my fear and live life courageously. “[11] X Research source
If you have difficulty talking to him, bring up a topic you’re passionate or knowledgeable about. If you find that when he’s around you’re all thumbs, invite him for coffee or something that requires little dexterity.
“If he doesn’t like me I’ll be so embarrassed and then people will think I’m a loser. Wait a minute. I had friends before I started liking him, so I know I’ll have friends afterwards, too. I guess it’s silly to put so much self-worth on this. "
“If I ask him out on a date and he rejects me, everyone will talk about it forever. I’ll never stop hearing, for the rest of my life, about the one time I asked this guy out. It will haunt me through college and my professional life, because everyone will already know. " NOTE: this technique is intended to reveal warped perspective to the person using it. If you find yourself truly believing these things and unable to see how your perspective is off kilter, talk to an adult or a mental health professional.
