Be understanding. If you hurt your friend, she may not be able to forgive immediately. Do not take it personally if your friend asks you to limit contact with her temporarily. The space can be valuable for both of you. Your friends can have a chance to cool down, and you can take the opportunity to reflect on what you did.
Be completely open and honest about what happened. [5] X Expert Source Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFPClinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor Expert Interview. 2 October 2020. Did you violate your friend’s emotional needs? This may be how you lost his trust. For example, maybe you made a comment about your friend’s weight. This is a sensitive topic for him, and he reacted poorly. What does your friend need from you to move forward? He probably needs you to be more respectful and understanding in the future. He may also need you to understand which subjects are off limits for jokes.
Ask yourself honestly why you lashed out. Were you feeling insecure or bad about yourself? Many people hurt others due to their own feelings on inadequacy. Once you understand your behavior better, think about how to change in the future. Maybe you lashed out at your friend because you have issues with your own weight. You could talk to a therapist about your body issues and try to treat your body better through healthy eating and exercise.
Write a sincere letter expressing your remorse. Begin with something like, “I’m really sorry that I hurt you. " You can try to offer an explanation; however, make it clear it’s an explanation and not an excuse. You do not want to sound like you’re justifying your behavior. You can send the letter out to your friend. You can also type the letter and email it. You can request to meet in person to apologize formally.
For example, begin with something like, “I’m sorry. I completely take responsibility for messing up and hurting you. " From there, explain what you did and why it was wrong. For example, “I never should have made that comment about your weight. It wasn’t funny. It was insensitive and hurtful. "
This can be short and simple. For example, “I really regret being cruel and breaking your trust. "
You can say something like, “I can’t imagine how hurt you must have been when you heard what I said. " From there, once again take responsibility. For example, “I am so sorry I hurt you in this way, and put you all in a position where you felt betrayed. There’s no excuse for my behavior. " Be willing to allow your friend to to express how you hurt her. After an apology, your friend who was hurt may restate how it affected her as a way of making sure you truly understand how she feels. Be prepared for this: listen, try to understand, and, even if you have already said “I’m sorry,” you may have to say it again. [11] X Expert Source Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFPClinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor Expert Interview. 2 October 2020.
Your request for forgiveness doesn’t have to be long. You can simply say something like, “I’m sorry for having hurt you. I know it may take time, but I hope in the future we can be friends again. "
Let your friend know if you have already done anything to make up for it. For example, “I made you this mix CD of apology songs, and I’ve been seeing a counselor about my own body image issues. " You can also tell your friend what you may do in the future to repair things. Make sure your friend knows this will never happen again. For example, “I’m really making my own mental health a priority right now. I’m not going to stop seeing a counselor until I feel stable enough not to lash out at others. "
For instance, if you friend found out you were talking about her behind her back, she may want you to go speak with those people and tell them what you said was untrue, and that you were wrong to say those things to them.
Be sensitive to your friend’s worries and fears. Ask your friend how he’s doing if he is going through a rough time. Offer to listen if he needs to vent. Never judge your friend. If he expresses something, react with respect and interest. People are likely to trust those who do not tell them what to do.
Continually put yourself in your friend’s shoes. If you feel frustrated by her inability to forgive you, think about how hurt you would be in her position.
Work on being a more trustworthy person. Keep your promises, do not talk behind people’s backs, and be there for your friend emotionally.
