You are getting older and would like more privacy for yourself, for inviting friends over, or for focusing on homework. You’ve outgrown the room you are in and the two of you no longer fit. Your sibling is messy and you would like a clean space. You are having trouble sleeping. You’re ready to be more independent. You need a space to be alone and recharge. You’re ready to take on the responsibility of having your own space.
What have they said yes to in the past and why? What are they currently using the space for which you want to have as a room? How would giving you your own room appeal to them?
If there is a guest room you want as your room, offer to let guests stay in your room when they visit and you can go back to your old room on those nights. If the room is a shared space, you can offer certain times when you would share your room, or find a new place in the house for the public items in the room, like a television or video games.
Avoid busy times like getting ready for school and work, or late in the day when people are tired and getting ready for bed. Consider scheduling a conversation in advance. Tell them you would like to talk to them about something and ask if you can have a conversation after dinner.
Remember what they are saying so you can repeat some of what they said back to them to let them know you heard them. Once it is your turn to speak again, give feedback about what they said.
If you feel yourself getting stressed, take a few deep breaths and try to focus on something positive. Pet your dog, or sniff the smell of the great dinner you just ate. Use your senses. Make a joke. Inserting a little humor can break the tension and relax everyone back into the conversation. Don’t react disrespectfully in your actions and words by calling them names or slamming doors. Ask, “Can we talk about this later? I think I need more time to get my thoughts together. ”
Tell them there will be less fighting between you and your siblings. Offer the you would be able to get your homework done if you had your own room. Promise to be responsible for cleaning that part of the house now.
Start with an introduction explaining what you want and how you plan to convince them to agree with you. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence explaining what that paragraph is about and how it supports your argument. You can add several of these paragraphs. Wrap it up with a conclusion that reviews your reasons and restates what you want in light of all of the support you have given in your letter.
You could get your own desk for doing homework, crafts and storing some of your things. Ask to be allowed to have the room to yourself when your friends come over.
If they say, “no” right away, request that they take some time to think about it and get back to you later. Ask, “Will you think about it a little longer and we can talk about it again next week?” There may come a point when you have to accept the answer “no”. If this is not the right time for you to get your own room, it is best to move on and not dwell on it. Tell them, “I understand,” and move on. You’ll have your own room eventually, just not today.
Start with the big, bad stuff. Is there a bunch of trash or piles of laundry in your room? Clear it out. Make your bed. Put a sock on each of your hands and wet one of them, then go around your room dusting with the dry hand and scrubbing with the wet one.
Take good care of the family pet. Take care of your siblings by playing with them and helping them with chores or homework. They may be feeling like you are abandoning them for your own room. Do some extra chores like the dinner dishes or the laundry. Finish your homework early and get good grades.
Start a gratitude journal and write down at least on thing you are thankful for every day. Say “Thank you” for dinner. Especially if they take you out to a restaurant for a special night. Thank them for your favorite toy and let them know how much it means to you. Let them know that you really appreciate them providing the house you live in, the room you share and everything that is in it before you ask them for another room.
