Think of it like you are adding an extra step to your usual response. As soon as you start to feel the emotions associated with rejection, turn up your self-awareness. Start analyzing the situation to determine whether it’s really a rejection or not.
Take a deep breath and count to 10. Leave the environment for a few minutes, if needed. Do whatever you need to calm down and get a handle on your emotions before responding. Becoming hostile or ugly in response to perceived rejection will only make you feel more excluded in the long run.
For example, call to mind what the other person is wearing. Think about the décor and design elements of the room. Remember what you ate for breakfast earlier that day. Do whatever you need to detach from the situation and calm down. You can also try picking something specific to look for in your immediate environment, like a color or a type of object. For example, look around and try to spot as many blue things as you can in the room.
For example, if you don’t have children and you’re trying to make plans with a busy mom, she may not have as much flexibility to meet up as you do. Any rejection may simply be about her not having the freedom to make plans, or the ability to arrange for child-care at the last minute–it has nothing to do with you.
Ask someone, “Hey, can I get your take on this situation? I asked Jan to meet up for coffee, but she keeps making excuses. How should I feel about that?”
You might say, “Hey, Jan. I’ve really been working hard to make plans with you, but it feels like you don’t actually want to get together. What’s going on here? Can you help me understand?”[8] X Research source Keep in mind that some people use rejection as a form of constructive criticism. The person might be using “tough love” to help you learn and grow. Try asking the person for clarification and you might find that their motives were actually positive.
Start with just 10 minutes of quiet, distraction-free time per day. You can set a timer to sound when your 10 minutes are up. You can also practice mindful meditation while driving, eating, or brushing your teeth. Find a comfortable place to sit. Take several deep, cleansing breaths. Try to clear out your mind of any thoughts or judgments about what you’re doing. Focus completely on your breathing—in through your nose and out through your mouth. Let your attention follow the air as it travels from the environment into your lungs and back out again. If your attention wanders, simply return to your breath. When the timer goes off, take a moment to notice how peaceful and relaxed you feel. [10] X Research source
Eat healthy, balanced meals. Engage in physical exercise. Call a friend. Go out to the cinema and see a new movie. Plant a garden with a family member. Or, check out a good book from the library.
Think about how you would talk to a good friend. Speak to yourself with the same respect and compassion. Choose qualities about yourself that you consider to be positive. Then, think about ways in which others would benefit from these attributes you have. For example, if you are funny, you might uplift someone who is feeling down! Now, create some compassionate statements about these awesome traits of yours. You might say, “I am an honest, caring person who deserves good friends. ” Or, “I make people laugh - not everyone can do that! My friends are happy to spend time with me. ” Repeat these statements aloud whenever you feel low on confidence.
If you feel the urge to turn to self-destructive activities, increase your self-care practice. Treat yourself as gently and kindly as you would a friend in pain. Get a massage. Take a walk in nature or go for a swim. Run yourself a scented bubble bath. Listen to peaceful or uplifting music.
It might also help you to use a picture or video to remind yourself of how big the world is and to decrease the importance of the perceived criticism. Try looking at a picture or video of the earth from space. This will help you put things in perspective. [12] X Research source
The Sedona Method, by Hale Dwoskin Don’t Take It Personally: The Art of Dealing with Rejection, by Elayne Savage Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts, by Guy Winch
Whether it’s friends, coworkers, peers at school, or family members, make an effort to connect with people who love and care for you. They can help balance the scales against any rejection you feel from others. If you don’t have strong relationships, meet some new people. Volunteer and help out in your local community. Join an organization or club. Strike up a conversation with the wallflower at a party. Become an advocate for those who are being bullied.
When you’re entering a new social setting, tell yourself, “They’ll like me” or “I’m going to make so many friends. ” You just might be surprised at the outcome.
For instance, if you are applying for jobs that demand gregariousness and you’re shy, you may not impress the interviewer. Switch tactics and search for a similar job in which it doesn’t matter so much how outgoing you are. You may just get the position. [14] X Research source
On the other side of the coin, it is important to respect the boundaries of others. For example, don’t keep asking someone out on a date if they consistently say “no. ” Let them know that you respect their decision, and move on.
See an experienced psychologist or psychotherapist who can carefully evaluate your history and any other symptoms you might be experiencing.
