Your spouse wants to be heard and understood, not argued with. Do your best to listen and accept what they say. Ask for time to digest the information, if you need it. Also, if you are feeling anger, make sure to express that your anger is not directed toward them but rather your emotion is about the situation you now find yourself in. Say, “This is a lot to take in, but I respect what you’re saying, even though I’m struggling to understand. ”
Ask your spouse, “Have you given any thought to how you’d like to start expressing your gender?”
Joining an online community or doing an internet search can help to answer your specific questions. This may also be a good time to reach out to a counselor who specializes in gender identity issues. This person can be an objective resource to answer your questions and provide guidance.
Talk about these decisions together, especially because they affect both of you. Say, “Let’s keep discussing this. I know I’ll have more questions and I want to keep our communication open. ” Make sure that you discuss how you will do this. Will you have a weekly meeting? Will you ask questions as they come up? Is it more constructive to communicate in person or electronically?
Consider writing down your feelings and thoughts in a journal. You can also paint, draw, go on a walk, or listen to music as a way to work through your feelings.
Radical acceptance doesn’t mean you’re approving or in favor of something, it means that you can acknowledge it without pretending it doesn’t exist or that it doesn’t affect you. While the experience may be painful, it doesn’t mean you have to suffer. Say to yourself, “This is difficult to understand, but I will not run from the situation. I know I can get through the difficulty of this. ”
One way to return to the present is by using your breath. Focus on your breathing by counting your inhales and exhales, remembering that your breath connects you to the present moment. Try using mental grounding exercises as well. For example, you can do things like saying your name, where you are, and what you are doing. Or, try making a cup of tea and feeling the warm cup in your hands. [6] X Research source
Finds things to think positively about and be grateful for to keep some sense of positivity, even if things feel like they’re crashing down on you.
Because this is a sensitive topic, be careful about who you decide to confide in. Choose someone who will be supportive and understanding, not someone who will judge or lecture. Have coffee with a friend or reach out to a colleague. Say, “This is a difficult time for me and my family, and I’d appreciate your support. ”
Join a community support group or search for a group online. Whether people are near or far, it can be comforting to know other people who have ‘been there’ or are going through what you are going through.
It’s important to take care of your needs and care for yourself. If you feel like you need to understand your feelings better, a therapist can help.
Whatever choices you make as a couple, therapy can help facilitate those changes and help each of you to cope.
