This is especially important if this is a very close friend that you share everything with. If you start a relationship with this guy secretly, she will automatically be distrustful or resentful of it, and you could really hurt her feelings.
When you are with her, remember that it’s okay to talk about your crush, but don’t let him be the only thing you talk about. If she is hurt the crush might be a sore topic.
Evaluate the consequences (both good and bad) of dating your crush before you decide what to do. Think about how this might impact your relationship with your friend, and if you like this guy enough to risk straining, harming, or even ending your friendship. Is this just a casual crush or someone you can see getting serious with? Think about your friend’s personality — does she have a hard time moving on from things? Is she the type who would see this as a betrayal, or be sad for a little while and then bounce back?[4] X Research source Weigh the pros and cons of pursuing this relationship so you can go into the conversation with your friend with eyes wide open. If you tell your friend that you will not date him unless she’s comfortable with it, you need to stick to that. Keep in mind that if your friend disapproves of your relationship, it can cause a major strain on it. [5] X Research source At the end of the day, it is your life. If you want to date your crush with or without your friend’s approval, you can; however, you should be prepared for the consequences to your friendship. You can still be caring toward your friend even if you decide to date your crush without her approval. You could say, “I really care about you and our friendship, and I’m excited about possibly dating John. I hope that you can eventually be happy for me. I will not let my dating life get in the way of our friendship. ”
This is particularly important if she’s been a long-term, loyal friend. Your crush may be really great, but your friend is too. It’s OK (and human!) to want relationships with both, but take care not to neglect your friend for this guy.
Once both of your feelings are out in the open, you are able to decide how to proceed.
A good rule of thumb is to simply speak for yourself. Talk only about your own feelings and desires, not anyone else’s.
That doesn’t mean you need to lie to your friend and pretend that things aren’t happening with your crush. It just means letting her cope with the situation at a slower pace. If your crush doesn’t respect or understand your need to take things slowly, he may not be the right guy for you after all.
If your friend tries to pull away because of hurt feelings, give her space but let her know that you cherish your friendship. [12] X Expert Source LeTisha UnderwoodCertified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 14 December 2021. You “won” the guy, so be loving and gracious with your friend. [13] X Research source
