For instance, you will likely have to do all of the household chores, make all of the decisions regarding your family and home, and provide constant supervision of your spouse.
Take a look at the situation and what is really making your spouse upset. This is where really knowing your spouse comes in handy. For example, your spouse may not appreciate being fussed over or having you speak for them. Engaging in an argument will likely only make the situation worse. Instead, try to shift the focus away from the matter, while speaking in a calm and reassuring voice. [1] X Research source For example, if your spouse says “I really don’t need you standing over my shoulder all day long. Go away,” rather than arguing, say “I’ll give you some space, then. But you can expect me to check in on you every half hour. ”
Feeling angry and resentful of the situation is normal, but if you let those negative emotions become directed toward your spouse, you will likely make your new reality even worse. Instead of getting mad at your spouse, get mad at the disease. Write down a list of what you are most upset about, including changed retirement plans, missed vacations, and the like. In a few days, look at the list again and determine whether these topics are really that upsetting and if there are any alternatives. For instance, if your spouse is in the early stages of dementia, you can likely still travel and do the things you always planned together. Your spouse may say things that hurt your feelings so it is important to remember that those with dementia are not intentionally saying hurtful things. Your spouse’s reality has changed due to the disease, so although you can clearly tell what is real, your spouse cannot. You must try to learn over time when “the disease is talking” to minimize your own feelings of anger or resentment.
New ways of connecting may include reading books together, going for walks, talking, and experiencing things together that you couldn’t before due to other obligations. Take advantage of all the time you spend together.
Being positive also means being optimistic about the future. Dementia is not a death sentence. [2] X Research source Many people continue to lead healthy, fruitful lives with this condition. Of course, some modifications may need to be made, but your spouse can likely continue to engage in many activities that they once enjoyed.
Something as simple as asking someone to make you dinner once a week or helping you to clean your home can make a huge difference in your emotional well-being. Chances are, your loved ones will be more than happy to help. Reach out by saying “Hey, dear, I know you have a lot going on, but I could use some help with your dad. Could you come by one day this week and sit with him while I run errands?”
You don’t have to worry about receiving criticism or judgment from those in the support group, so you may be able to discuss exactly how you feel about these changes and your new responsibilities for the first time.
Hiring a caregiver to give your spouse a bath, prepare meals, give medical care, and perform other tasks can help take some of the pressure off of you and make your life easier.
Taking care of your mental, emotional and spiritual needs is just as important as caring for your spouse. Fortunately, many hobbies can be enjoyed without even leaving the home, such as reading, knitting, doing yoga, painting, meditating, and spending time with growing grandchildren.
You may be able to exercise with your spouse during the early stages of dementia, which gives you a chance to connect with your spouse and support their physical and mental well-being.
