Giving them space to experience their first experience of love means letting them be responsible for their emotions and choices. Some of the first loves may end quickly, some may persist, but each relationship will teach your teen valuable lessons about how to be with someone else.
You can also ask your teen’s friends what they think of the relationship, but do this casually as you do not want to interrogate your teen’s friends and be too aggressive about trying to find out more information on your teen’s partner. Your teen’s friends spend likely more time than you do with your teen, so they can see your teen and their partner in different situations and perhaps see a side of the relationship you may not have access to.
One way to build trust with your teen is to be calm and not overreact to your teen’s new relationship. Avoid asking too many questions, following their every movement and wanting to know everything. On the other hand, do not be indifferent and do not underestimate the relationship of your teen. Keep in mind that your teen is going through a very important emotional experience, much like your first experience of love.
If your teen feels comfortable and supported rather than policed or judged, they will be more willing to talk with you and to listen to what you have to say. Listen and consult with your teen and offer advice only if they ask you for it.
Make it clear when and where you think certain physical behaviors are acceptable or unacceptable. Talk to them if you feel comfortable with them kissing in front of other guests and/or other family members while having dinner together or while spending time together in a common space (watching TV after dinner, hanging out in the living room as a family, etc). Discuss which types of displays of affection are acceptable and not acceptable in public. For example, constantly kissing in front of strangers and ignoring their presence or too much PDA (public displays of affection) can be impolite or uncomfortable for others. Try to find a balance between what is acceptable and unacceptable. Give your teen advice on how to deal with public displays of affection, rather than simply chastising or scolding them.
The relationship should not affect their success in school and in extracurricular activities. As well, time with friends is important to maintain, so remind your teen not to disregard their friends. If their commitment to others begins to suffer, talk to them about this. Encourage them to not neglect their other relationships. Have them make a schedule that includes time for other commitments, family, friends and of course, time with their first love.
Explain that they should be spending their time equally with their partner and doing activities with others.
Through conversations like this, you can provide support and assistance to your teen and make them feel like they are not alone in their feelings.
Let your teen know that you respect their desire for privacy and are always available if they ever want to talk.
This way, you are trying to get information on the relationship in a helpful, supportive way, rather than a nagging or intrusive way.
Your teen should expect positive character traits in their partner like a good upbringing, a commitment to schoolwork and to bettering themselves, an ability to behave decently and politely to others, and being respectful and supportive in a relationship. Do not cultivate prejudices or pre-judgments of your teen’s partner based on a biased against a certain cultural group or social class. Be open to getting to know your teen’s partner better, rather than jumping to conclusions or forming snap judgments of them. Let your teen know that you expect them to be respectful and polite towards their partner and towards others when they are with their partner. They should not offend or mock their partner or you when they are with their partner and in front of company or other family members.
Explain to them that getting involved in sex with some early in a relationship may not be beneficial to the relationship in the long run. Being physically ready to have sex is very different than being emotionally ready to have sex. Let them know about the unintended consequences of not practicing safe sex (with a condom or contraceptives), such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Ask your teen if their partner’s parents have also talked to them about sex, and if they have not, encourage your teen to talk to their partner about what they now know about sex. If possible, talk to the parents of your teen’s boyfriend or girlfriend to let them know it is time to talk about sex with their teen, as it is in the best interests of both your children.
Remember your teenage years and your experiences of first love. If you have conveniently forgotten the dramatic details of your first love, ask old friends who knew you back then to get a sense of how you behaved. Likely, it was not much different from how your teen is behaving in their first love relationship.
If your teen does open up about their feelings of hurt and sadness, listen to them and try to offer words of comfort and support.
Instead, direct their attention to fun activities or things they enjoy doing. Encourage them to hang out with you or with others so they do not spend time harping on angry or sad thoughts. Help, understand and support them. Do not make this challenging time more difficult for them.
Explain how the boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s bad decisions could influence your teen, or lead to bad decision making by your teen. Poor choices can have a lasting impact on your teen’s health and life, especially if they get involved with anything illegal or dangerous. Keep in mind that this first love relationship likely will not last forever, so express your concern but do not put too much pressure or be too overbearing towards your teen. [8] X Research source
Addicts will often find their addictions to be more important than any romantic bonds or relationships in their life, and will often make poor decisions, lose control of their life, and get in trouble with the law. [9] X Research source Suggest treatment options or counseling to your teen to help with their partner’s addictions. Try to talk with the boyfriend or girlfriend about their addiction, and get their parents involved, if they are not involved already. Together, you can all try to convince them to get help or treatment. Explain to your teen how to react and behave in critical or dangerous situations. Make sure they are aware of the dangers of addiction, and encourage them not to succumb to the pressure to become addicted or make poor decisions like their partner.
Make an effort to get to know your teen’s partner better. Spend quality time with them, trying to have a conversation with them and find out more about them. Then, assess your assumptions of them.
If your teen is dating someone you disapprove of, drawing attention to other people and other possible relationships can be a good way to end a bad relationship and show your teen there are other, healthy and positive people available. Encourage your teen to socialize with other friends or potential love interests, and do activities that do not involve their current partner so they have more opportunities to meet someone new.
