For bathing, you may be able to help your parent into a shower chair (using a wheelchair), where they can mostly bathe themselves with some supervision. On the other hand, they may need a sponge bath. If your parent is completely bedridden, you’ll need to bring items to them. For instance, you can bring a toothbrush, a cup with clean water, and a spitting cup over to the bed. Let the person brush their teeth or ask them to open their mouth so you can brush their teeth. Make sure you are helping them trim their nails regularly. They will likely need help with their toenails, even if they don’t need help with their fingernails. You’ll also need to help the person shave. An electric razor works best for this process, particularly if you’ve never shaved anyone else.
To combat pressure sores, try to change your parent’s position every 2 hours, and encourage them to move their body in the bed as much as possible. You can also find special mattresses and cushions that can help relieve pressure points. Pay attention to the sheets. They should be cotton or silk, and you should smooth them out before putting your parent on them, as wrinkled sheets can increase the chance of bed sores. [3] X Trustworthy Source Cancer Research UK U. K. -based cancer research and advocacy charity Go to source Make sure your parent’s skin is moisturized regularly. Also, avoid using scented soaps and talcum powder, as those can dry out the skin. Dry skin makes your parent more susceptible to bed sores. It can also help to make sure your parent is drinking at least 2 liters of fluid a day. [4] X Research source On people with darker skin, you may see blue or purple patches, while the patches will be red or white on lighter-skinned people. Cracks, wrinkles, swelling, shiny areas, blisters, and dry areas are also indicators of bed sores. Talk to a nurse if you start noticing these signs.
Encourage people to come over and visit with your parent, so they have regular interaction. Also, try to encourage your parent to still participate in activities they enjoy as much as possible. For instance, if your parent enjoys making art, get them a small set of art supplies they can use in bed with a table. It’s also important to provide a safe place where your parent can talk about what’s going on. They need a sounding board as much as you do. You can be this person some of the time, but make sure that your parent feels comfortable talking with other people as well. If you are their only source of support, then this can put a lot of pressure on you when you already have so much going on.
Most hospitals have social services on-site, though you can also visit a Medicare/Medicaid office in your local community, or visit the offices of an insurance company that your parent goes through.
It is important to be assertive when asking for help from friends and family. Try saying, “I’m creating a weekly schedule for Mom’s care. Please let me know which two days you would like this week. " Offer a specific task if they don’t seem to know how to help. If you have children, then you might also consider asking a friend or family member to watch them for you one evening per week while you care for your parent. Be sure to let your children know why you need someone to watch them during these times.
Both in-home care and care facilities can be expensive. Insurance and medicare may cover some in-home care (which sometimes includes in-home care at senior facilities). Have a talk with your parent about getting some help. They may not like the idea much, as some people are reluctant to have outside help. If you need help persuading them, try asking someone who’s been in a similar situation to help. It might also be hard for your parent to hear this from you. You might consider asking someone who has a different relationship with your parent to talk with them instead, such as a close friend, a cousin, or a spiritual leader. You can hire whatever level of care you need. For instance, some non-medical care can help with basics like bathroom assistance and meals. However, if your parent needs medical care, you will need to hire nurses or nursing aides to help, though that kind of care is generally prescribed by a doctor.
Let yourself feel those emotions. Acknowledge them, and give yourself permission to feel them. Also, make sure you find someone to talk to. Anyone with a sympathetic ear will do. [11] X Research source Writing down your feelings is also a good way to get them out and understand them better. Try keeping a journal as well. You can also talk with others who are facing the same issue. You can join a local support group or find one online. In fact, if your parent is on hospice, many hospice organizations have grief support groups available for people in your situation. Just knowing you’re not alone can help. Professional counseling can also be beneficial. If your parent is bedridden, particularly if they have a terminal illness, it can be difficult to come to terms with that, especially if you have a complicated relationship with your parent. A professional can help you work through those feelings and come to terms with what’s happening. [12] X Research source
Taking notes or having another person there to help you remember everything during conversations with doctors and nurses can also be helpful. Emotions may be high, which might make it hard for you to remember everything.
Similarly, it’s important to maintain the relationships in your life. Try to get away to spend time with people you care about, so you can just be you for a while. [15] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source At the very least, set aside some time each day to return calls, respond to text messages, or check in with your other loved ones. Care for yourself by prioritizing things like exercise, healthy eating, getting enough sleep, meditating, yoga, journaling, or travel. Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish—when you’re kind to yourself, you’ll feel better, which means you’ll be able to offer better care to your parent. [16] X Expert Source Ran D. Anbar, MD, FAAPPediatric Pulmonologist & Medical Counselor Expert Interview. 1 July 2020. Also, take time to escape. That is, sometimes, escaping into the fantasy world of a book, movie, or television show can give you the mental break you need. You can even enjoy these with your parent. Listening to your favorite music can also help you take a break. [17] X Research source Be sure to schedule this time in. Don’t wait until you feel like you need a break.
For example, it is important to maintain your relationship with your spouse/partner and children (if you have them). This might mean that certain times of the day will be set aside for spending time with your family, such as dinner time.
In addition, make getting enough sleep a priority. Even if you can get enough sleep all at once, try to work in 7 to 9 hours a day to make sure you’ll be able to function. Finally, make sure you are keeping up your regular doctor’s appointments and dental care, so that you stay healthy. [20] X Trustworthy Source Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services Go to source
