You may notice some people around you either seem to be much more affected by the death or not bothered by it. Be careful not to assume they do not care. A family member may find comfort in staying busy and focusing on other things—this is just the way he or she deals with the death. Grieving is not about who is the most upset. It’s a very personal thing. You may also find that everyone around you has some sort of suggestion about moving on or how it gets easier. This advice may or may not be helpful to you. Just keep in mind that they mean well and are also trying to cope with the death and also be there for you.
Physical reactions to the death may manifest as dizziness, physically throwing up or feeling like you are going to, numbness, disorientation, headache or body pains, or not being able to sleep or the opposite where you feel all you can do is sleep. Emotional reactions may include sadness, confusion, denial about what happened, anger, and guilt. Certain factors may influence how you grieve a particular death. These include, but are not limited to, the relationship you had with the person who passed, the age of the person, the person’s health at the time he or she died, and whether the death was something you were anticipating.
Denial- “This can’t be true. I just talked to her. ” Anger- Needing to know who is to blame or how it happened Bargaining- “Take me instead. ” Depression- “I can’t go on alone. ” Acceptance- “I know she is not in pain anymore. ” Many people assume that it is wrong to feel angry about things or feel out of place if those around you are feeling differently about the death. Try to not punish yourself for the way you feel, just be aware that the emotions may come and go.
One thing to keep in mind when taking the time you need: even though your world may seem upside down, the world around you still goes on. Reach out to get help if you need someone to make sure you are staying in contact with work if you are not able to attend or keeping up with the daily bills to avoid forgetting to pay something important like rent.
Include children and younger family members in these groups when it is possible. Kids need to see they do not need to hold in their feelings. Crying is OK to do in front of others and this includes the kids.
You may also choose to pray, meditate, or take walks in nature to ease your grief.
To find a group, you can reach out to a variety of sources including groups specific to the type of death (like cancer survivors group, or families of crime victims) or those that are religious based if you feel that is a good fit. Many hospitals also offer support groups as well. You will probably find the group setting either really helpful or not. You can test the waters to see which type of outside supports work best for you. If it’s unhelpful, you may find that one-on-one counseling with a grief specialist works.
Do your best to get enough sleep and eat right. Exercise is a good way to help increase your ability to sleep and eat. In addition, it causes your body to produce endorphins, which will help lift your mood. [8] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Avoid using drugs or alcohol to “numb the pain. “[9] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source If, no matter how hard you try, you have trouble keeping a regular appetite and sleep habits, you may need to talk to a professional. Sometimes, people who are grieving experience symptoms of depression, which must be addressed in order to fully heal.
Many people become almost obsessed with the “perfect” funeral, and feel like they can only pay their respects by putting on a lavish ceremony. Honor the person in the best way you can and know that small things that go wrong really won’t be remembered. If the service is uncomfortable due to differing religious beliefs, try to at least participate in parts of the services whether it is a graveside service outside of the church or a private viewing. Many memorials offer flexible options to participate either in a bigger service or attend a private viewing of the body without the religious service.
Visit as often as you feel you want to. Some people feel comfort in regular trips just to chat with the loved one while others may not feel connected to the gravesite. There is no right or wrong way to handle visits.
For example, if your loved one died of cancer, you might start a foundation to spread awareness. If he or she passed after an accident, you can use your energy to prevent future accidents of the same kind. Take this act of change one step further and honor the name of your loved one by starting a scholarship in memory or name the foundation after the one who passed. Incorporate the life story of your loved one in the story of the foundation. This is a terrific way to maintain his or her legacy with a positive contribution to society.
