You might encounter misconceptions about being intersex, for instance. Some people may assume that being intersex affects sexual orientation, or they may not know that most people who are intersex are happy with their assigned gender. Worse, you might also face forms of discrimination or harassment. One challenge that intersex people may deal with is a complete lack of visibility and representation. People may not be aware of potential intersex identity. For example, they may not know that they are intersex until puberty or because of certain surgeries they had as an infant. [5] X Research source The surgeries can lead to several complications. Some people with intersex conditions have specific medical challenges. Many also struggle with feelings of isolation, shame, anger, or depression. If you choose to share your DSD with friends and loved ones, don’t be surprised if they are curious or want to ask questions. How much you disclose, of course, is up to you.
Join a local group. Contact hospitals and advocacy groups for meetup groups in your area. Search the name of your city and “intersex meetup,” or ask for meetup locations on an intersex forum. Chat online. There are many forums to connect with other intersex people. [6] X Research source If you’re under 30, join a youth group. [7] X Research source [8] X Research source Find support groups for people with your specific form of DSD. Find a spiritual community that supports you. The Unitarian Universalist Church, for instance, has a good history with intersex constituents. [9] X Research source Look at the agendas of various local faith communities and visit the ones that have meetups for LGBTQI people.
Many intersex people transition due to being assigned the wrong gender at birth. Many intersex people are gay, lesbian, bi, or queer. Some intersex people identify as third gender, genderqueer, or agender.
Contact groups that specialize in people with your form of DSD so you can provide mentorship and support for your peers. Be open and unashamed about your sex if you can. This is one grassroots way to increase intersex visibility. Speak up. When you hear nonsense being spouted about sex, gender, and intersex people, speak up. Once you’ve learned the facts, teach the facts. Intersex conditions are “invisible. " That is, most people aren’t aware that anyone around them is intersex. If you feel safe, mention that you are intersex.
You may identify as a transgender intersex person, meaning you identify with a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth. You may define yourself as ipso gender, meaning you are an intersex person whose gender was correctly assigned at birth. Some intersex people prefer to simply say “cisgender,” which is the word all people who identify with their assigned gender can use. You may consider yourself agender, genderqueer, genderfluid, bi-gender, androgyne, or nonbinary.
If you are trans, you may have to remind your family members a few times that you want to be called the name and pronoun that you have chosen. Be gentle, but firm. Let them know that acknowledging your identity is not an option, it’s a necessary part of being in your life. Most intersex people use the binary gender pronoun they were assigned in childhood. However, the rates of transition are higher among intersex people than they are in the general population. [15] X Research source Some intersex people use gender neutral pronouns, such as they/them. [16] X Research source
Date someone who is willing to learn what it takes to date an intersex person. Even if you’re straight, you might be interested in looking into the LGBTQI community when you date. You might find people who are queer, bisexual, or intersex who you are compatible with. Don’t date jerks. If someone fetishizes your sex, treats you like they’re doing you a favor for dating you, calls you names or puts you down, or if they aren’t attentive to your pain or your pleasure in bed, dump them immediately.
You can choose to say your exact diagnosis if you would rather: “I have a condition called androgen insensitivity disorder,” for instance. This might be useful for early dates with someone who doesn’t know much about intersex culture. If you are infertile and things are getting serious with a partner who wants children, be sure to let them know.
Let your partner know if you experience dysmorphia or shame during sexual encounters. Explain the speed at which you’d prefer to go, and ask your partner to stop if you feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable. It can help for you and your partner to agree on a memorable safe word, like “doughnuts!” that means “stop!”
You have a legal right to your medical records, no matter how old. Even if the hospital thinks they have been discarded, you might be able to find a records clerk who can help you. Showing up at the hospital in person might help. Ask a doctor to request your records for you. If you can, talk to the doctors who treated you as a child. This is especially important to do before you become sexually active, as some conditions require treatment before sex is possible or safe.
If you don’t identify with the gender you were assigned, you may opt to take hormone treatments or get gender affirming surgery.
Reproductive Endocrinology doesn’t necessarily have to do with fertility, just with sex hormones. Support groups for people with your condition can often point you to good doctors. If you already have a good doctor, you can also ask them to research your condition and become something of a specialist for you. Ask your physician to arrange for an Accord Alliance representative to come to your medical institution and make a presentation.
Assert that you only want the doctors necessary for your procedure to visit your room.
If you are private about your sex, ask your family and friends not to tell other people without asking you first. If you would like to be an advocate for the intersex community, talking about your sex publicly can be one way of increasing intersex visibility. If your DSD was hidden from you as a child, or if your parents treated it like a secret, then you might find it empowering to talk about without secrecy.
Informed means they should know all the proper terms for your form of DSD, as well as the terms that you identify with. If you identify as a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth, insist that your family call you by the pronoun and name you prefer. Ask them not to use language that misgenders you in any way, such as childhood nicknames (“princess” or “cowboy”) and family denominators (“daughter,” “son”). Explain to your family members that their support means the world to you, and that one way they can support you is learning about DSD and your particular condition.
Tell your supervisor what happened and how you addressed it. If you do not feel comfortable addressing it, go directly to your company’s HR department and tell them what happened and why you did not feel safe. Keep a record of all instances of inappropriate behavior. Write down all the details, including date and time, as well as witnesses and exactly what was said or done. If the jokes, comments, or inappropriate behavior continue after you have asked for them to stop, report them to HR and consider filing an official complaint.
If your company is trying to fire you or failing to promote you as a result of filing your claim, or if your superiors fail to address your reports, file a Title VII claim. [23] X Trustworthy Source US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission U. S. government agency that enforces civil rights in the workplace Go to source You are legally protected from retaliation if you do so. Check your state protections, as some of them might be even more helpful than Title VII.
Harassment can come from friends and teachers as well as kids you don’t know. If anyone makes any negative comments about your sex, gender, appearance, or sexuality, they are in the wrong. Get legal representation as a minor. If you are a minor (or the parent of a child) with intersex traits, there is an organization called interAct that can provide you with legal advice. [25] X Research source
