When a loss is fresh in your memory, your grief deserves your full attention. However, you should draw a line on prolonged grieving. Give yourself a period of time - perhaps a few days to a week - to be profoundly sad. Protracted wallowing ultimately keeps you stuck in your sense of loss, paralyzed by self-pity and unable to move forward.
Find an outlet for your pain. If you’re compelled to do a certain activity as you grieve, do it (provided it doesn’t involve hurting yourself or others. ) Crying, pummeling the pillow, going for a long run, throwing things out,screaming at the top of your lungs in a forest or other solitary place, and sketching your memories are just some of the ways that different people find outlets for their pain. All are equally valid. Avoid doing anything that might result in harm to yourself or to others. Loss isn’t about inflicting harm or making things worse. Loss is a time for learning how to draw on your inner emotional reserves and learning how to cope with pain.
If you’re worried others listening to you might be confused or upset by what you’re saying, a simple warning up front can alleviate this concern. Just let them know you’re feeling sad, upset, confused, etc. , and that, although some of the words you say aren’t going to make sense, you appreciate having someone listen. A caring friend or supporter won’t mind.
Some of the people who are dismissive of your grief may even be friends with good (but misguided) intentions. Reconnect with these people when you’re feeling stronger. Until then, distance yourself from their impatience - you can’t rush an emotional recovery.
If you feel guilty following a loss, talk to other people who knew the person or pet. They will almost always be able to help you convince yourself that the loss isn’t your fault. [5] X Research source
If you feel guilty following a loss, talk to other people who knew the person or pet. They will almost always be able to help you convince yourself that the loss isn’t your fault. [5] X Research source
Keep the mementos that remind you of the person or pet in a box somewhere out of the way. Bring them out when you need a tangible reminder of your memories. It’s not usually a good idea to leave the mementos lying around in the open. A constant reminder that someone is gone can make it hard to move on.
If you’ve lost a pet, remember the beautiful times you spent together, the happy life you gave your pet, and the special traits your pet had. Every time you feel tempted to become even more sad, angry, or self-pitying, grab a diary and write down the good things you can remember about the person or pet that has been lost. In moments of sadness, you can consult this journal for a reminder of the happiness you had.
While work or studies can provide some relief from the constant thoughts about loss, don’t simply rely on your routine to distract yourself or you risk feeling that there is only work and sorrow and nothing in between. Help reacquaint yourself with happier pursuits by doing something that gives you peace. There are all sorts of possibilities, such as gardening, cooking, fishing, listening to your favorite music, walking, drawing, painting, writing, etc. Choose whatever calms you and gives you a sense of joyful achievement (not something everyday work or studies can always promise). Consider getting involved in social work. Shift your focus from your own problems to those of others. Consider volunteering as one possibility. If you like children, helping with young children who display lots of spontaneity and laughter may ease your mind. [6] X Research source
There is some scientific evidence that suggests that sunlight has natural antidepressant properties. [7] X Research source Getting out of the house may help you out of an emotional funk.
Many religions teach that the soul or essence of a person remains after his or her physical body dies. Other religions teach that a person’s essence is transformed into another form or redistributed into the earth. If you’re religious, take solace in the fact that the person you have lost still exists in a spiritual sense.
The first hangout session after a major loss can be a little subdued or awkward simply because your friends are worried about how to approach the subject. Don’t let this get you down - you had to make your re-entrance to your normal social life at some point. Be persistent - though it may take weeks or months for things to seem completely “normal,” spending time with kind friends is almost always a good idea.
Don’t worry - you won’t ever forget those you’ve loved. Nor will you misplace the internal strength that drove you to seek lost goals or achievements. What may change is how you approach your life from this point – there may be a sharpened focus, a new sense of value or a totally changed perspective about certain aspects of your life. This progress won’t be possible, however, if you don’t give yourself time to heal. While you should give yourself adequate time to heal, at the same time, it’s important to remember that your life is precious and that you’re responsible for making the most of your time here. The purpose of your life is to be happy, not sad. Don’t rush away from grief, but don’t be content with a partial recovery. Make your journey to recovery one of gradual improvement. You owe it to yourself - keep moving forward, no matter how long it takes.
