React only if it’s absolutely necessary and don’t jump into any conclusions. [3] X Expert Source Jessica George, MA, CHtCertified Professional Master Life Coach Expert Interview. 11 February 2022. If someone addresses you in a condescending way, for example, you may have to respond. However, do so without getting angry. If necessary, try doing something like taking a deep breath and counting to five before addressing the situation. For example, if a coworker says something like, “I would invite you to the bar, but it’s not really your scene, is it?” you should stay calm, and respond with something polite like, “Actually, I do like karaoke, but I’m fine sitting this one out. "
Making yourself smile in any situation is actually proven to be calming due to the release of endorphins and serotonin. [5] X Research source So, try to smile and offer a fake laugh in response to a rude behavior. For example, say “Funny! I didn’t realize I didn’t seem like a karaoke person!” Then, laugh and walk away. You may still feel angry. However, the point is to avoid letting the other person know they upset you. They may stop behaving rudely if you don’t give them a reaction. Try to keep your composure in the moment. You can deal with the emotional fallout later.
You can teach someone how to treat you via your reactions. If you don’t let someone know how you expect them to treat you, they may never learn proper behavior. If someone snubs you, politely address the issue right away. Make it clear you do not find the snubbing appropriate, and how you wish it would change in the future. You do not need to be hostile. [7] X Expert Source Jessica George, MA, CHtCertified Professional Master Life Coach Expert Interview. 11 February 2022. In fact, it’s not productive to do so. Simply state your feelings out right. For example, “You know, I feel left out when you assume something isn’t my scene. I do enjoy going out as much as the other people in the office, so next time, can you just ask me if I like karaoke instead of making assumptions? I would really appreciate that. " After politely speaking your piece, it can be helpful to excuse yourself from the conversation. This will give the person time to think about what they’ve said or done and to prevent any defensiveness from creating an argument.
Keep your larger life and goals in mind. If one person at work does not seem to like you, is it really a big deal? Do you have positive relationships with other people in your office? Do you feel otherwise secure in your job? If one person in a group does not take to you, does that really affect your relationship with others in the group? Don’t you still have an active social life, even if one person is not a fan of you? Recognize that you are not missing out on much by not having a relationship with a rude, judgmental, or toxic person.
Size up how much this person has offended you, as well as the kind of person they are. Someone who snubs you on occasion, but who’s just generally rude, may not be worth the time. Some people are simply unpleasant, and it’s best to let the behavior go. However, maybe this is a friend or family member you value. They’re not usually rude, but seem to be slipping into poor behavior for some reason. In this case, you may want to identify the cause of the snub to try to salvage the relationship. Try your best to empathize with them. What kinds of major stress do they have going on in their lives? Have they had a rough life?
Snubs can often be a matter of miscommunication. They can also be the result of a simple mistake. A friend, for example, maybe just forgot to include you in a group text or assumed someone else would extend an invite to you. Before getting angry, consider the circumstances. You’ve probably inadvertently snubbed people as well. Sometimes, miscommunication or forgetfulness can cause you to accidentally hurt someone’s feeling or leave someone out. Before deciding to approach the situation with anger, look at the other person’s perspective. It may be a simple misunderstanding. If that person has shown to be a good friend to you in other ways, try to give them the benefit of the doubt. Think back on the history of your relationship and see if what you’re assuming is characteristic of them.
Do not think of this as gossiping or badmouthing the other person. Go into the situation hoping to gain insight rather than just vent or express negativity. Say something polite and measured to the person you talk to. For example, “I noticed Sophie invited everyone in the office to her birthday but me. I’m not sure if that was intentional, but I’m a little hurt. She’s left me out of stuff before, so do you think I should talk to her?” The other person may offer some insight that can help you decide whether the situation is worth getting upset over. For example, your friend might say, “Oh, Sophie just doesn’t think you like her because you’re always quiet around her. I know you’re just kind of shy, but she interprets that the wrong way. "
For example, don’t say something like, “I hate how you and John always go to the bar without me after class, even though you know I’m free. It hurts to be left out. " This sounds accusatory, which could make someone react poorly. Instead, rephrase this using an “I”-statement. For example, “I feel left out when you and John go out after class without me because I don’t understand why you don’t invite me too. "
Rude behavior is contagious. If you inadvertently snub a friend, they may snub you back. Try to be aware of your own behavior, and treat others in the manner you wish to be treated. Try to be more inclusive. If you feel you’ve been snubbed, work on always extending invitations to everyone. Make sure you include all your friends when making plans, and include all coworkers in invitations out. Other people are likely to extend that same courtesy to you.
Strive to start conversations with others. Start chatting with a coworker during your break. You can make a comment on a recent assignment to get things going. If someone tries to talk to you, be sure to chat back. Try to spend more time with people. If you’re the type to spend lunch alone, try joining your coworkers for lunch. If there’s usually a happy hour on Fridays, make the effort to attend. Ask people to do things. If you never invite others out, people may not invite you out. If you feel like you’re being snubbed, try initiating socialization for a change.
While some people are rude by nature, other people may have no intention of snubbing you. The coworker who did not invite you out to barbecue may have done so because you’re a vegetarian, for example. Not all snubs are a personal attack.
Actively engage in positive, supportive friendships that make you feel good about yourself. Hopefully, this will lessen the sting of a snub. Think about everything you have to be proud of. Think about positive aspects of your personality, your education, and your skills. Remind yourself of the things you take pride in as a person. Everyone has something valuable to contribute. Just because one person does not value your contributions does not mean you are inherently without value.
