In most cultures, sexuality is considered rather private, so sexual information is not discussed in the same way as other topics. [2] X Research source But do not let that keep you from asking important questions. Health educators understand how to make sensitive issues easier to discuss. In a sex education course, topics are developmentally appropriate for the age of the class, and the more difficult topics come later in the year. [3] X Trustworthy Source American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists Professional association of OB/GYNs focused on education and public outreat initiatives Go to source
Most sex ed curriculums in the United States are set by the individual states’ boards of education [5] X Research source . These courses tend to cover topics such as puberty, human anatomy, physical and mental health, self-esteem, and social issues like peer pressure and dating violence. [6] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source A thorough sex ed curriculum will answer questions like how to handle your menstrual cycle (for females), what to do if you think you might be LGBTQ, how to prevent sexually-transmitted infections and diseases, what to do if you receive sexually explicit text messages, how to handle being the only virgin or the only non-virgin in your group of friends, and what to do if your partner is manipulative or controlling, plus many other topics. [7] X Research source You might feel like some of these topics don’t apply to you–for instance, if you have already gone through puberty and handled those changes well, and plan to stay a virgin for now. In that case, sex ed might feel like a waste of your time, but it is possible that there are other topics you might not even realize you still need to learn about.
Even if you identify as asexual (not having any interest in sex)[8] X Research source , throughout your life other people are likely to make sexual advances toward you, and you must learn how to respond to living in a world where sexuality matters. Health courses at the high-school level are often known as “easy A’s” if you keep up with quizzes, projects, and homework. Typically, they are less demanding than core subjects like mathematics, science, history, world languages, or literature. You may even have fun learning more about yourself and your body!
It’s OK to say, “I don’t think I’m ready for that information yet,” when it comes to talking about sexual education. There’s a lot to absorb and process, and it shows maturity to wait until you’re ready to handle it.
Don’t just have “The Talk. " Keep talking about it. Learning about sexuality should be an ongoing process. Use opportunities to ask questions when they arise naturally. You don’t have to force discussions. It may be easier to talk about issues if you discuss something you saw together in a talk show, movie, or on the news rather than ask, “Mom, what does it mean to be LGBTQ?” Realize that your parents have been expecting this your entire life, and they have been planning how they might respond to your questions. Still, your questions might catch them off guard and they might need a little time to come up with a response that they feel is accurate without being too much information that might overwhelm you. So cut them a little slack if they seem embarrassed, too!
Keep it casual. Talking about sex doesn’t have to be a big deal. Simply say, “I’ve been meaning to ask you about something, do you have a few minutes this weekend for us to get together?” If you let them know why you’re asking (for instance, because you overheard your friends talking about something, or you saw something on the internet) they will have more context to give a thorough response. Just like your parents, sometimes other adults can feel anxious about these types of conversations with kids or teens because they don’t want to give the wrong information or more information than you need. If they seem embarrassed or caught off guard by your questions, just give them time to think about their response and don’t worry about it.
Be careful about doing internet searches for keyword terms that involve anatomy or sexuality. You might accidentally get results that are sexually explicit or pornographic instead of informative. Instead, go to a trusted website like the American Sexual Health Association, and then search their website for the terms you are interested in learning about. For example, Wikipedia shows pictures of the human body (both female and male) and will explain confusing terms. Be sure to let your parents/guardian know what you are researching. Always remember to be open with your parents and let them know why you are doing it, so no one gets in trouble or is overly embarrassed.
If you do not have a sex ed class, ask your school nurse or counselor. For young adults, sometimes the school nurse can help with particular questions in privacy. [12] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
You can prepare questions for your annual well-check or make a special appointment if your questions are urgent. Feel free to write down or type out your questions, and if you’re too embarrassed to ask them yourself, hand them to the nurse before the doctor comes in and ask if they will give them to the doctor for you. This way, the doctor can read over your questions and prepare a good response before coming in to see you.
For instance, as a young teen, you may have questions about dealing with puberty. You may have issues with sexual identity as a college student. As an adult, you may have trouble conceiving a baby. And on and on. There’s not one point where you will magically know everything. So, you might as well start learning now!
You can also try to deal with embarrassment by using humor to lighten the atmosphere. This is a common strategy among young people learning about sex; just mention the word “penis” in a room of teens and everyone will start to giggle! It turns out that laughter is a normal human instinct to try to deflect attention from feelings of embarrassment–so don’t be afraid to smile to relieve some tension. Embarrassment tends to feel like everyone is looking at you and judging you. But when young people learn about sex education, they all likely feel embarrassed and awkward. No one is busy judging you; they are all busy feeling just as awkward as you do!
If you feel that the teacher is saying things that are discriminatory or dangerous, let your parents know so that they can determine if they should talk with school officials. Otherwise, feel free to raise your hand and politely but firmly let the teacher know that there are other valid opinions on the subject. Realize you are unlikely to change the teacher’s opinion, but at least you will let other students know that there are other opinions out there.
Consider talking to your parent or a trusted adult and letting them know what you heard or experienced and why it is bothering you. If you experience prolonged anxiety about these issues or about yourself, consider talking to a professional therapist or counselor. You can start by talking to your parents or to your doctor, school nurse, or school counselor about your concerns. Ask for a referral or recommendation.
