Can you handle sharing his attention and time with his children? Will you be jealous of the time he spends with his children? Are you willing to act as a good role model for his children? Do you want a relationship with his children?
You might say something like this: “I’ve never dated someone with children before and I’m a little nervous about it. I was wondering if we could talk about that. ”
Try coordinating transportation to school during the week — maybe their ex-partner can’t pick them up on Thursdays, so you can offer to do it — or offering to help plan a birthday party with them. If you’re helping plan an event like a birthday party, keep in mind that you are not running the show — just be there to offer your assistance. Ask if you can pick up the cake, get balloons, assist with decorating, or if there are any specific things they would like you to do to help. Don’t turn it into a power struggle.
You might decide to meet his children in a place where you can undertake a group activity, such as an arcade, a bowling alley, or a trampoline gym. This depends upon the ages of his children and their interests. Try to find a group activity that everyone can participate in to diffuse tension and ease discomfort.
You might lead in with something like, “Hi, my name is _____. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you because I enjoy spending time with your dad and he always has so many nice things to say about you. Just the other day, he told me how proud he was of you for getting an A on your spelling test. ” You might also say, “I want us to be friends if that’s okay with you. I know that you already have a mom and aunts and uncles and other family members who love you, so I thought that perhaps, we could be friends. ” Finally, you might say, “I’m really looking forward to spending more time with you so that we can get to know each other better. How does that sound to you?”
