Talk through the decision with your therapist. If you’ve experienced “brain fog” symptoms, consider waiting until it’s improved before you begin dating.
Am I dating in the hopes that it will pause or halt my mourning? Is my interest in dating really about distracting myself from the pain of grieving? Or, am I dating because I want and deserve companionship? Is it because I’m ready to open myself up to all the brightness, hopefulness, and connection that comes with falling in love?
In both cases, you have to trust yourself. It can be difficult, but only you can decide to start dating again. This is tricky ground to navigate for you and your loved ones. Take comfort in the fact that everyone is motivated by love for you and love for your spouse. Be honest and direct about what you want and in time, your loved ones will likely understand. Oftentimes, people just need time to adjust.
If someone you liked doesn’t get back to you, try to remind yourself that dating can be like a job hunt. You may need to try with lots of different people before you get the right person! After each date, take a second to think about one positive thing you’ll take from the experience, regardless of if you see each other again. Even if all you can come up with is that it’ll make for a funny story, this can help you find a more positive approach on your dating journey. You deserve love. And, you deserve to enjoy the process of finding it.
If you know you’re ready to date, don’t let normal (but unwarranted!) guilty feelings keep you from trying to find love again. You deserve to go after what will make you happy. And remember, trying to find love with someone new can never replace or erase the love you have for your spouse.
When your date asks about your spouse, answer honestly. As long as you feel comfortable, there’s nothing wrong with being upfront. At the same time, if you’re tempted to talk at length about your grieving process, you may not be ready to date just yet. Focus on answering your date’s questions honestly when they ask, but don’t initiate a long conversation about your spouse yourself.
Talk the issue through with a loved one, try journaling, or ask yourself without judgment what you really love in your new relationship. Am I in love with the other person, and that’s why I’m tempted to jump in headfirst? Or is it possible that I just miss having a day-to-day partner, someone to eat dinner with me each night, and someone to wake up to each morning? Before rushing into something serious, make sure you answer “yes” to the first question and “no” to the second.
It makes sense that you’d be rusty. Take a breath, remember that you’re doing your best, and if it helps, pool some friends’ opinions on dating best practices. Remind yourself that the most important thing is that you’re feeling confident and having fun.
Try pulling aside your family members to speak one on one. Be gentle, but direct. Let them know that you understand where they’re coming from, but that you deserve to be happy. Emphasize that their behavior could jeopardize you finding that happiness in your new relationship. Finally, remind them that no one can or will replace your spouse. You deserve to have love in your life. And finding new love doesn’t affect the love you’ll always have for your spouse.
Try including positive affirmations into your daily ritual. Challenge negative self-talk brought on by feelings of guilt. Find ways to treat yourself regularly. Wear a face mask, enjoy an activity you’re passionate about, or take yourself to the movie theater. Exercise, give your body nutritious food, and focus on getting lots of rest.
Find a therapist through friend’s recommendations, doctor recommendations, or online.
