If you just ended a serious relationship – or don’t have enough time to invest in a full-on romantic commitment – casual dating may be the best choice for you. [2] X Research source In these cases, you should be less concerned about whether a potential partner meets all your expectations, and more focused on whether you have chemistry and fun. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, you’ll want to spend more time confirming that you have values in common, such as your spirituality and long-term goals.
Many people on Tinder are looking for a deeper commitment than casual sex, but significant portions of their user base – specifically, younger males – use it primarily for excitement, validation, and hookup opportunities. [4] X Research source If you’re looking for a serious relationship, it may not be the best option for you. If you’re gay, bisexual, trans, or queer, try Grindr. Her is also a good option for lesbian, bisexual, and queer people. Older, more established websites like Match are a better fit for people who are looking for a committed relationship. Profiles are more extensive and informative than on other websites and apps. In addition, DoULike has always been one of the best when looking for local dating. Here, singles are looking for partners. The first dates began in 2005, but the site is continuously updated and easy to use.
Try asking your friend something like this: “Hey, I’ve been thinking about dating, but I’m not sure where to start. Do you know anyone special that you might introduce me to?"[6] X Research source
Another upside of meeting dates at activities and events: even if you don’t connect with anyone, you’ll still have a fun morning, afternoon, or evening to yourself. Not meeting the person of your dreams stings a little less when you’ve had a great workout or seen your favorite band.
If you see someone you’re interested in, but you can’t come up with a pickup line or a conversation starter, buy a drink for them and ask the bartender to tell them it’s from you. It’s hard to go wrong with a simple, kind gesture. [9] X Research source Make eye contact, smile, and raise your eyebrows – you just might make a connection from across the room. Be honest, but don’t divulge all the secrets in one go.
Ask broad, open-ended questions. Something like “So what got you interested in rock-climbing?” is a lot better than “Are you interested in rock-climbing?” If you meet in person, talk about where you are and what you’re doing there. If you happen to meet someone playing beach volleyball, say something like: “Wow, you’re really good. I’ll know where to come in the future if I want my butt kicked. Do you play here often?” Relate to what the other person said. If they gripe about getting to work and you, too, have a difficult commute, express your shared frustration and tell them why you hate driving (or taking the bus or train).
If you’re in a room full of people with similar interests, you should be able to pick out one or two people who you’d like to go on a date with. Make it a point to not leave an event without showing interest, making a connection, or trading phone numbers with a few people. While swiping on an app like Tinder, take time to consider each potential match carefully, rather than turning them down based on an immediate gut reaction. Remember that there’s a real person behind that profile, and that you might make a great connection with them even if you’re not blown away by their photos. Treat people the way you would wish to be treated, online and off. [12] X Research source
Smile, say “No thanks, but I appreciate the offer”, and change the subject to ease any discomfort.
If your date is lukewarm about trying new restaurants or bars, suggest a casual activity that’s relevant to what you’ve talked about with the other person instead of a dinner date. For instance, if they mentioned that they like a certain style of music, invite them to a concert you think they would enjoy. Have a good idea of what you’re going to say to the person so you don’t stumble over your words, but don’t memorize a statement ahead of time – you don’t want to sound scripted. [15] X Research source Be polite and graceful if they say no. Even if you feel hurt or disappointed, try not to take their answer personally. Thank them for being honest with you and tell them you enjoyed meeting them.
Even if you don’t have gleaming teeth, a perfect body, or a precisely symmetrical face, practicing good self-care is a simple but incredibly effective way to make yourself more attractive to other people. Being clean and well-groomed, dressing nicely, and having good posture can enhance your attractiveness significantly. [16] X Research source After you get spruced up, don’t forget to be yourself. People do not like superficial dressing, speech or actions. Even if you’re dating casually, you want your date to like you for who you really are. [17] X Research source
During fun, high-energy dates, chemistry is in your favor. When you engage in an exciting activity while on a date, your brain releases dopamine and norepinephrine, which are hormones associated with pleasure, trust, and affection. [18] X Research source If your date experiences those feelings and associates them with you, it can’t hurt your chances.
Turn off your phone – the only reason you should be checking or answering your phone is if you’re a doctor! Concentrate on your date and listen to them carefully. Neither of you should feel obligated to pay for everything. It’s generally considered polite to split meals, or switch off paying for dates. For example, one person might pay for a movie on Friday, and the other might pay for bowling on Saturday.
Don’t talk about past relationships – or other emotionally difficult topics – from the get-go. It’s important to respect your date’s boundaries, and you may project the impression that you are unable to let go of the past. Asking them about their own romantic history is also unadvisable. It’s a first date – you don’t need to bare your soul or tell your life story.
If you ask enough questions and pay careful attention to your date, you shouldn’t run out of things to talk about. However, a shorter date will make this less likely to happen. Longer dates are more appropriate for when you’ve gotten to know the person well, and are comfortable making conversation with them.
A kiss is acceptable on the first date, but make sure to ask if the other person is comfortable with it first. (“Can I kiss you” is simple and effective. ) If you like the person, be polite but confident. If you don’t kiss them by the third date, they may start to ask questions about you. (“Do they like me?” “What’s their deal?” etc. ) Never pressure the other person with regards to sex, or expect it to happen within a certain time frame. Allow it to occur naturally. You may have to wait several dates for it to even be a possibility.
Don’t plan another date too quickly. Your partner (and you) need time to assess your feelings about the date, and whether you want to get together again. Within a week of your first date – but not right away – call or text them to ask them how they’d feel about going on another date. Never call, e-mail or text message multiple times a day. If you do reach out, wait for them reply.
Only say that you want to be friends if you mean it, and if you actually want to spend time with this person on a regular basis. If you want to continue to be in each other’s lives, honesty will remain a critical ingredient to a healthy relationship!
If you suspect that rejection might be difficult for you, avoid apps like Tinder that involve evaluating people based on superficial criteria. Being turned down based on a quick glance and a reflexive reaction can be detrimental to one’s self-esteem. [27] X Research source If your date “ghosts” you, it’s more of a reflection of their lack of consideration than anything you might have done wrong. Move on – you deserve better than that!
