Approaching your ex when you aren’t doing well might lead to them pitying you, and no one wants that.
Showing your ex that you’re doing fine without them can make them even more attracted to you.
This can be a little tough since there’s no set timeline for when you might feel “ready. ” If you just feel lonely or in need of a relationship, you should probably wait a little longer. You can start the conversation by saying something like, “Hey, could we meet up? I wanted to talk about maybe dating again, if you’re interested. ”
You could try saying, “I know our relationship was rocky in the past. I’ve really been working on fixing my bad habits, and I think we could really make it work this time. ” Your ex may also say no or be hesitant about trying your relationship again, which is valid. Listen to their concerns and try to work it out together.
It can be tough to hear about what your ex did when you weren’t together, but it’s better to find out now than be blindsided later on. If your ex is upset that you dated someone else, try to address their fears or concerns before jumping into your relationship to avoid problems down the road.
For example, if you fought a lot about money, agree to be more open with your finances to avoid any surprises. Or, if you weren’t on the same page about marriage, talk about your life plans and where you see yourself in 5 years. Or, if either of you had trust issues, talk about being honest with each other no matter what.
Taking things slow can also help you both correct any negative behaviors that led to your breakup. If you were living together, consider living separately for a while, even after you’ve gotten back together.
For example, you could have a weekly date night to visit a new restaurant you’ve never been to. Or, you could plan a weekend getaway to a town you’ve never visited before.
It’s one thing to say you’ll be better with your money, but it’s another thing to actually stick to your budget every month and avoid overspending. You can also ask your partner to check in with you about your bad habits. If they notice anything worrying, they can let you know before it becomes a problem.
Good communication is one of the biggest indicators that a relationship will work. When your communication breaks down, that’s when the problems really start. For example, you could say, “I noticed that you’re staying out late again without calling me, and that’s made me upset in the past. Could we talk about this before it turns into a huge issue?” If you’re having trouble communicating, consider seeing a couple’s counselor.
When you agree to rekindle your relationship, make sure you’re over the issues that caused your breakup. If you aren’t over them or you haven’t made your peace with them, you’ll probably bring them up to hurt your partner in the future.
Getting into a relationship just to be in a relationship usually doesn’t end well, especially with someone you’ve dated before.
For example, if your ex cheated on you, you might have to consider whether or not you’re willing to forgive them before you get back together. Or, if you just grew apart, you might want to think about how you could reconnect and rekindle your relationship in the future.
If you’re having trouble remembering the tough times (these tend to fade with time), consider asking your friends about it. Chances are, they’ll remember when you talked about your frustrations in the relationship.
Again, you can talk to your friends and family about this, too. They’ve probably recognized some bad patterns in your relationship, even if you haven’t.
