Sometimes, you can end up fooling around with your ex’s best friend as a form of retaliation. This may occur consciously or unconsciously, where you use the best friend to get back at your ex. Or, you may be more into the sneaking around and hiding you have to do with the best friend and find the risk exciting. These may be fleeting emotions that are superficial or fleeting. You should consider if your feelings for the best friend are the real deal before you sit your ex-partner down for a chat. You may also ask mutual friends about what they think of your new relationship. Sometimes getting an outside perspective on the relationship can help you to put it in perspective.
Try to tell your ex-partner in person, and do not share the news over text. Doing this may come across as cold and disrespectful to your ex. You should also try to tell your ex-partner before word gets around about your new relationship, as you want your partner to hear the news from you. You may decide to bring the best friend to the meeting. However, you may want to be cautious about doing this, as this may anger your ex-partner.
For example, you may say, “I wanted you to hear the news from me, directly. I have started seeing your best friend. I did not plan it or know it was going to happen. We were all out one night and one thing lead to another. I am really happy with this person and I hope you can be happy for me. ”
You should also try not to get upset or emotional on your end, as you do not want to make the conversation seem too serious or overwrought. Instead, try to keep your body relaxed and maintain eye contact so you can make sure your ex-partner understands what you are trying to share.
This may mean that you agree not to be in contact for a few days or a few weeks. You may also give your ex space to process by opting out of get together with mutual friends.
The best friend and your ex-partner may have a different relationship than you have to your ex. So, over time, the best friend may be able to reach out to your ex and explain their side of the story. This may help your ex accept your new relationship and also avoid ruining the friendship between the best friend and your ex.
Sometimes, ex-partners can also get possessive and jealous when faced with this situation. Keep in mind that though you can feel bad for dating your ex’s best friend, this does not mean you have to give up your new relationship. Over time, your ex may come around and accept the situation. But you cannot force your ex to do this.
For example, maybe the best friend has a different approach to date night. Maybe he tends to plan more intimate dates at home, and your ex would go all out with an expensive dinner for date night. Rather than compare the two, focus on the positives of each approach. Then, remind yourself that you are with the best friend because he does things differently and offers different things than your ex did.
Gossiping about your ex can also create problems in your new relationship. Your hurtful words about your ex may make your new partner upset. This could then lead to tension and conflict between the two of you.
You can also try to maintain a better relationship with your ex-partner, especially if your new partner is still his best friend. Making an effort to spend time together as a group can help to normalize the situation and allow your ex to get used to your new relationship.
You should also try to be inclusive of your ex, especially if your ex and his best friend are still close. This may mean including your ex in social get togethers with other friends or being okay if your ex hangs out with you and the best friend. Over time, the situation should normalize and hopefully your ex will get used to your relationship with the best friend.
