Also, keep in mind that having a crush on a person of the same gender doesn’t automatically mean you are gay. Sexuality is more complicated than that. [1] X Research source
You might, for example, feel most strongly about girls, but also like boys a little too. In addition, sexual orientation is not just about who you have feelings for, it’s also about how you think of yourself (as, straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, or something else), and how you actually behave. It’s possible, for example, to have to have feelings for both two genders, but to think of yourself as basically straight and only date people of a specific gender if that’s what you want. [3] X Research source How you think of yourself and who you choose to have relationships with are decisions for you to make. The good news about this is that you have as much time as you want to make these decisions, and it’s totally okay to change your answer later if you want! You don’t ever have to label yourself if you don’t want to. [4] X Research source
Some people you share your feelings with might tell you you are going through a phase. They might be right, or they might not, but in the end, that’s for you to decide, not anyone else. Accept the feelings you have now. If they change later, that’s fine too. [7] X Research source
Having people support you can make difficult feelings and decisions easier. When you’re ready, find someone who you know is accepting of your identity and who you trust to keep your feelings private. Do this only when you’re ready. You don’t have to talk to anyone about this until you feel prepared.
Spending time around your crush may also help you sort out your own feelings. You might decide that you really only like this person as a friend. Your crush might go away after a little while. Or, it might get stronger. During this time, don’t try to make it a date or anything like that, just hang out like you would with any of your other friends.
You don’t have to come right out and ask “How do you feel about LGBTQ individuals?” Or “Are you gay?” Instead, you can be a little more subtle. Ask questions like “What would you do if a [gender] kissed you?” or “Have you ever had a crush on someone? Who was it? Have you ever had a crush on a [gender]?” If your crush reacts badly to these questions, don’t keep trying. Not everyone is accepting of same-gender crushes, and if that’s the case, it’s time to give up. Skip on to the last step.
For instance, some time when you’re hanging out alone together, make eye contact while you’re talking, and lean in just a little. See how your crush reacts. If they keep eye contact with you and don’t move away, this might be a good sign. [10] X Research source
Be careful about making this decision, and if you have been given any signs that your crush might not approve, don’t do it. Someone who thinks it is wrong to have these feelings might make fun of you, or tell other people about your feelings who might then be mean to you. This can hurt a lot. So be as certain as you can, especially if you don’t want other people to know about your feelings. [11] X Research source Your crush may need time to think about what you have told them. Let your crush have as much time as needed to think about what you have said.
It will be up to you if you can still be friends with this person. In some cases, this works out fine. Crushes often don’t last long, so you might just find that you now have a close friend that you can feel comfortable confiding in. [12] X Research source In other cases, continuing to spend time around your crush may hurt too much or make it too hard to move on. In a case like this, you might need to spend some time apart, or even not be friends anymore. [13] X Research source
