Recognize that the part of your child’s brain that controls impulses and emotions is constantly developing, even into adulthood. [2] X Research source www. childhealing. com/articles/angrychild. php Ask yourself honestly what rules your child is capable of following so you are prepared to deal with the inevitable behavioral transgressions. Think about creating rules with the help of the child. This may provide them with more of an incentive to follow the rules since they had a say in making them. If your child has demonstrated that they are able to comply with certain behavioral expectations but does not do so consistently, this is likely an act of intentional defiance. Recognize these situations and impose discipline appropriately. Take time to explain your expectations to your child, free from other distractions like television or toys. You may even want to write them down and post them somewhere in house that they will see everyday as teachers often do in elementary classrooms. [3] X Research source
Don’t try to talk with or discipline your child while they’re having a tantrum. [6] X Expert Source Kylee MoneyParenting Consultant Expert Interview. 21 May 2021. Understand that tantrums are a natural childhood reaction to feelings of powerlessness. While your child will have to learn to deal with situations where they are not in control, you may be able to alleviate these situations by giving them a small amount of control. [7] X Research source The best way to give your child a manageable amount of personal freedom is to give them acceptable options rather than imposing a single option. [8] X Expert Source Kylee MoneyParenting Consultant Expert Interview. 21 May 2021. For example, if your child expresses a desire to dress themselves, lay out 2 or 3 acceptable clothing options and let them chose. You can do the same for meal options and recreational activities, among other things. Working with your child like this will make them feel empowered. If the tantrum occurs in public and you find it urgent to diffuse the situation, have a backup plan for pacifying them, such as giving them a lollipop or agreeing to do something they like later. It is not good to give in consistently so if you find their public behavior consistently problematic, arrange for homecare when you need to attend a public gathering. [9] X Research source
If, for example, your child does not want to go to school, instead of insisting or trying to convince them they do want to, ask them why, acknowledge their concerns, and try to suggest ways they can cope with them. After you’ve acknowledged their feelings, then express why they have to attend in simple and honest terms. Accepting your child’s feelings is not the same as agreeing or caving to them. Active listening is about demonstrating maturity and empathy so your child learns by example.
On the other hand, avoid criticism and punishments as these are negative reinforcements. Focusing on what they are doing correct and offering praise is a better way to get them to continue the positive behavior. Positive reinforcement is just more effective. [11] X Research source
Set a time limit for the removal of privileges, such as no internet (or computer in general) for one week. It’s important to express that the privilege needs to be earned back and if the defiant behavior continues, the timespan of the punishment will increase.
Give your child a warning first and then a timeout if the bad behavior persists. Send your child to a room with no television, games or internet. Forcing them to stand in a corner or facing a wall can be used as an escalating factor if your initial timeouts aren’t working. [15] X Research source If your child is under that age of 6, start by sitting with them during the timeouts and performing a positive activity like reading a book or doing a puzzle together. This will help them adjust to the idea of a cool-down period after a tantrum. [16] X Research source
Kids with learning disabilities may act out or refuse to do learning activities that are too difficult. This is because it’s stressful for them to struggle alone. The right support can make it easier. Kids with sensory processing disorder, including some kids with ADHD and autistic kids, may avoid overstimulating situations, such as crowded areas or loud activities. This is because everything feels more intense and they know it will be stressful. Helping meet their sensory needs, such as by giving them noise-canceling headphones and calming fidget toys, can help. Kids with anxiety disorders or phobias may avoid specific situations that scare them. Sometimes, this means acting out. Therapy may help untangle these anxieties and build coping skills.
The classic symptoms of ODD include consistently irritable mood, an extreme tendency toward argumentativeness, impulsivity, vindictiveness, and significant behavioral problems at school. ODD is often accompanied by antisocial behavior and self-harm. The symptoms of ODD generally begin to show before the age of 8. The symptoms should persist for a least six months before a diagnosis can be made. [19] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
ADHD is typified by a persistent inability to stay focused. It can also be accompanied by hyperactivity, absent-mindedness, forgetfulness, mood swings, anxiety, and depression. Talk to your children regularly so you know what is going on in their lives. Acting out may be related to stress they are experiencing unrelated to the current situation. For example, maybe they are being bullied or are bored with what they are being taught. This can lead to behavior similar to ADHD.
A sharp change in behavior and mood after a potentially traumatic event is an obvious sign that it is linked to the event. Anti-social behavior, mood swings, and a loss of cognitive skills problem-solving are also warning signs that bad behavior is linked to trauma. Speaking to a therapist will help get to the real issues behind your child’s behavior. Medications can just keep symptoms at bay.
