If your friend always makes jealous, spiteful comments while hanging out in a group, they may put you down in an effort to bolster their waning self-confidence. If your friend always makes envious remarks after you’ve shared plans with for your future, they may feel like their future isn’t as promising as yours. [1] X Research source
If your friend is super critical of your possessions, they may be struggling to define their identity outside of their possessions and finances. If your friend makes negative comments about your success, they may be jealous about the opportunities you are receiving or envious of your talents. If your friend constantly critiques your appearance, they may feel insecure about their own physical appearance. [2] X Research source
Your friend could be mad at you for numerous reasons, petty or otherwise. Is there a reason your friend might be angry with you? Did you recently fight? Did you forget to call them back? Were you gossiping about them? In order to diminish and distract from our own faults, insecurities, or fears, we have a tendency to point out other’s failings. Is your friend struggling with self-confidence or body image issues? Are they feeling unsure about their future? Cutting someone down can make a person feel more powerful and confident. Does your friend thrive on feeling superior and in charge?[3] X Research source
Some people struggle to manage their negative thoughts. If your friend is constantly comparing themselves to you, they may caught in a cycle of self-doubt and self-loathing. Their seemingly jealous remarks are making them feel worse instead of better about themselves. [4] X Research source Recent studies suggest that individuals struggling with depression have a difficult time distinguishing between negative emotions. If they truly are envious of you, they may not identify their actions or comments as such; if they are angry or sad, these emotions may manifest as jealousy. [5] X Research source
Ask your friend how they are doing personally. Are they struggling at school, home, or work? Are their parents fighting? Did they just get out of a relationship? Were they passed over for a great opportunity? Are they coping with these challenges by acting out in jealousy towards you? Do they think your life is so much better or easier than their life? Ask if you did something to offend or upset them. Did you forget their last birthday? Did you fail to text or call them back? Did you host a party and forget to invite them? Did you gloss over their most recent success? Use I statements to express your feelings and concerns. “I felt hurt when you said _____. ” Do not transform your I-statements into You-statements with the words “should” and “ought” or the phrases “I feel that” or “I feel like you. ”[8] X Research source Practice active listening. Put away all forms of distractions. Maintain eye contact with your friend, while leaning forward and tilting your head slightly. Do not interrupt your friend. [9] X Research source
Instead of dismissing their emotional response, validate their feelings. “I understand why you feel that _____. ” “I can see how my actions upset you. ” “I get why you felt jealous of my (success, wardrobe, vacation, etc. ). ” If you take issue with your friend’s justification for their actions, remain civil, acknowledge the validity of their response, and politely agree to disagree. [10] X Research source Don’t tell your friend how they do or do not feel.
If they are jealous of your success, help them recognize the value in their accomplishments. If they are struggling with depression, assist them through a difficult time. If their life at home is less than ideal, provide them with an opportunity to get out more or share struggles you’ve had with your own family. If their trying to overcome a negative body image, compliment them everyday. If they are struggling with insecurities, reveal some of your own fears.
Need to control others Disregard for personal boundaries Selfishness Need to always be right Dishonesty Inability to accept responsibility for their actions Tendency to play the victim[11] X Research source
Acknowledge that you are coming from a place of love and honesty. “In the best interest of our friendship and my wellbeing, I must tell you the truth. Tell them explicitly how you feel. “I feel _______ when you _______. ” Ask them to stop their behavior. “Are you willing to stop _______ so that we can have a healthier relationship?”[12] X Research source
When can your friend contact you? How can they contact you? In what circumstances will you contact your friend? How will you contact them if you must get ahold of them? Will you ignore or acknowledge them when you see them in public? Will you block them on social media? May they remain in contact with your family members?[13] X Research source
They may pressure you for further details or attempt to manipulate your words. If this occurs, remind yourself that you don’t need to justify your decision. [14] X Research source Ending this relationship will be a process. Toxic individuals struggle to respect boundaries. As a result, cutting these individuals out of your life becomes a long, trying process. Remain firm in your resolution as you persistently work towards distancing yourself from them. [15] X Research source
