If you have trouble staying in the moment, you can try a mindfulness technique. For instance, while you’re in the shower, try really paying attention to what you’re doing. Don’t let your mind wander to what’s going on later in the day; instead, pay attention to how the soap feels on your skin, the way the hot water relaxes your muscles, and the scent of soap in the air. Focus your attention on the sensations you’re feeling, not what’s going through your head. [2] X Research source
Of course, it will hurt, but if you lose friends, know that you will probably also gain friends who are going through the same thing. In addition, you know the people who stick around will see you through thick and thin. [4] X Research source
Include the extra costs of supporting your loved one in jail. Jail can be expensive for those on the outside. From making phone calls to buying items at the commissary, your loved one will need money to help her while she’s inside. However, those costs can add up quickly, as even adding money to an account comes with fees. [6] X Research source Therefore, set a budget of how much you think you can reasonably spend on the person per month, and stick to it. If you don’t think it’s enough, see if anyone else in the family is willing to help out. You’re also not going to have their support around the house, so you may find yourself with extra housework. Don’t be afraid to ask family members for support when you need it. [7] X Research source
You can also let the person know when you’ll be able to email or write.
Also, make a decision about who you want to tell. Maybe you want to keep it just in the family, or maybe you feel like you should tell certain close friends. It’s better to decide up front who will be informed.
In addition, if you decide you want your kids to visit the person in jail, make sure to go first without them. That way, you can tell them what is going to happen when they get there and help calm down some of their fears.
You won’t be able to give anything to the person, such as baked goods, so it’s best not to bring things like that with you. [10] X Research source
You can also try breathing techniques. If you find yourself feeling anxious, take a moment to breathe. Close your eyes, and breathe in while counting to four. Count to four while breathing out. Focus on your breathing until you feel yourself calm down. [12] X Research source
The first step to moving past guilt is to realize that you’ve done nothing wrong. It’s not your fault the person is in jail, and you can’t change another person’s actions. On the other hand, if you feel like you did anything to help land the person in jail, accept the responsibility for that action; one way you can accept responsibility is to apologize to the person. Once you’ve apologized, try to push forward. Put the thought of guilt out of your mind, and stop going over it in your head. You can’t change the past; you can only move forward into a better future.
Part of creating a new normal is staying on track with the normal seasons. That is, don’t be afraid to celebrate holidays and birthdays without your loved one. You don’t have to sacrifice your own life just because you’re loved one went away. [16] X Research source Try creating new traditions with your family to have something to look forward to. Alternatively, you could try a new hobby to take some of your time. [17] X Research source
