Has an exaggerated sense of their own importance. Expects or demands constant praise and attention from others. Has little regard for the needs or feelings of others. Acts arrogant or superior to other people. Believes that they are in some way special, and that only other people who are special can truly understand them. [2] X Expert Source Liana Georgoulis, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 6 September 2018. Believes that others are envious of them. Takes advantage of others to get what they want. Is obsessed with attaining great power, success, or ideal love.
Make sure that you’re not harming yourself by staying in contact with the narcissist. This is especially true if you have a close relationship with them (such as that of spouse or parent), because they will take up more of your time. If you find yourself exhausted by their neediness (they need constant validation, praise, attention, and unwavering patience), then you need to rethink your relationship with them. If a narcissist in your life is abusing you (manipulating you, constantly talking down to you, or treating you as if you have no value), you need to get out immediately, because they are dangerous for your health.
For example, if you know that your friend Bob is a narcissist, don’t keep trying to bring up your own troubles with him. He simply will not be able to empathize, and will quickly turn the conversation back to himself.
Understand that if you confide in that person, they will be unable to truly value the weight of what you’ve shared. They may, in fact, use this knowledge as means to manipulate you, so be careful what you tell a narcissist. Remember that the narcissist’s motto is “Me first. " When dealing with them, you will have to operate under their motto.
This doesn’t mean letting them do whatever they want with you. It means that you remember that the narcissist is a human being who can’t connect with other people. This often happens as a result of narcissistic parents. Also remember that narcissists have no understanding of unconditional love. Everything they do is self-serving, which is a terribly lonely way to live. It may help you to have compassion if you can remember that these negative behaviors are projections of their own self-hatred and feelings of inadequacy.
Get out of playing the “blame game. " A narcissist cannot do any wrong in their own mind, which means they need someone to blame for any failures. Instead of trying to argue or explain how it’s their fault, you have to set boundaries. Keep track of what they’ve been doing, so you can say (in a non-accusatory tone), “Hey Dan, here’s the inventory count which shows we do need more paper. " Narcissists tend to be really good liars. If you remember something very differently from them (especially if it puts them in a bad light) don’t start doubting yourself. Don’t try to argue it, however, unless you have absolute empirical evidence that you’re right. Even then, a narcissist will manage to turn the whole thing around to reflect well on them. The most important thing to remember is to cultivate a non-responsive attitude towards them. If you have a narcissist in your life, there will be jabs, put-downs, and lies. Don’t respond. It’s like a game of catch, only you don’t need to catch the ball and throw it back. In fact, let the ball (the insults, mind games, etc. ) sail right on past.
Be prepared to fall short in their estimation, often. You will never be able to live up to what they expect you to be, which is someone who devotes complete attention to them. Try not to take their criticism to heart. Remind yourself that it comes from a very off-balanced worldview. Likewise, don’t try to argue your merits with the narcissist, because they will be unable to hear you. If they’re constantly belittling you (whether they’re a spouse, a parent, or a boss), find someone you trust to talk over what they say (a trusted friend, a counselor, etc. ). If you can, get some space from the narcissist for recovery purposes.
If you find your mind straying, ask them for clarification on an earlier point that you remember, so that you find your way back into the conversation. For example, you might say “I was thinking about what you said about X and didn’t hear what you just said. Could you repeat that?”
For example, if your narcissist is a really good writer, make sure that you tell them that. Say things like “You’re really articulate. I love the way you manage to get your ideas across so clearly. " They’ll recognize your honesty and they’ll be less likely to try to attack you. Even if you offer the narcissist the compliments and praise they crave, they are still likely to try to find ways to undercut and control you, due to their deep insecurities. Their methods can be very subtle and sophisticated, so be on-guard.
Since a narcissist demands constant attention, smiling and nodding is a good way to give that to them without having to commit yourself to further interaction. This method works particularly well for those narcissists who aren’t inextricably intertwined in your life (like a coworker, a family member you don’t live with, or a friend you aren’t super close to).
For example, if you want to persuade your friend to go to a new restaurant with you, and her narcissism revolves around her social standing, say something along the lines of, “I hear it’s the best place to go if you want to rub elbows with all the influential people in the community. " As another example, if you want to see an exhibit with a friend, and his narcissism revolves around his intelligence, you could say something like, “They say it’s especially intriguing for clever people with quick minds. "
For instance, if you need to remind a narcissistic client to pay you, gently remind them by asking them for a reminder of the agreed-upon pay period rather than directly stating that the payment is late.
The best time to stage an intervention is after something very life-changing has happened to the narcissist (like an illness, a job loss, etc. ) where the things that are feeding their ego are damaged or removed.
A professional can discuss different therapeutic options with you. Individual psychotherapy and group therapy both have their benefits and have been shown to help narcissistic individuals see other people as individuals who are as important as they are. [7] X Research source Look around in your area and ask some people whose opinions you trust who they might recommend. You want to make sure that you have the right person for the task.
Make sure that these people aren’t going to warn the narcissist ahead of time and aren’t going to spread gossip around about what is going on.
You need to have some sort of consequence for their actions if they refuse the intervention. This could be anything from not participating in activities that are important to the narcissist to ending the relationship. This will give you leverage in your effort to convince them to change.
Use “I” statements. This kind of language is less likely to put the narcissist on the defensive. For example, “I feel ignored when you constantly turn the conversation to yourself,” or “I feel that you expect me to constantly be emotionally available without providing me with emotional support in return. " Again, use specific examples of the times that they hurt you.
