People choose non-committed relationships for various reasons. Perhaps you’ve just ended a long-term relationship and aren’t ready for a new one, or you keep busy by furthering your career and don’t have time for a committed relationship. Don’t let your partner pressure you into a non-committed relationship if it’s not something you want.
You likely won’t be a hero for turning a non-committed person. Instead, you might just feel frustrated or disappointed.
If you’re unhappy in a non-committed relationship, talk about what you want and see if they’re on board. If they are not, it might be best to end things. If you are not interested in commitment, then be very careful if you notice any changes in your partner’s interest in commitment.
Establish some ground rules regarding being physical with other people or spending time with others. Decide whether your relationship is a secret or if you can leave abruptly if you fall in love with someone else. Even though the relationship is casual, you’re still dealing with a person, not a sex toy. Being in a casual relationship doesn’t mean either of you can treat the other disrespectfully or coldly. Keep in mind that it is just as important to communicate in an uncommitted relationship as in a committed one. Be sure to keep the lines of communication open.
If you need the rules to change, say something. If your partner asks to change the rules, be honest in how you feel about the changes and if you’re willing to make them. For example, if your partner says they want to have sex with multiple people at a time, weigh in on how you feel about it.
Make sure your partner listens to you and considers your thoughts and feelings. If your thoughts and feelings about the relationship don’t seem to matter, this can lead to resentment and bitterness. Don’t just go along with what your partner wants, especially if it hurts you or makes you feel angry or upset. Say, ‘I’m not comfortable with that. ”
If you don’t want to break it off but still want more equality, say, “I’ve been coming over to your place a lot lately, why don’t you come to mine next time?” You can also say, “I feel like I’m putting aside a lot of my time to accommodate your schedule. Could you give me some time, too?”
Having sex with multiple people increases your chances of getting an STI and HIV.
Avoid “pillow talk” and opening up emotionally after sex. If the person you’re with expects you to take care of them or listen to them, recognize that this might blur the lines with a relationship. Keep your involvement in each other’s lives minimal.
Keep discussions in the now. If you talk about the future often, this might indicate that you want a long-term relationship. If you’re starting to feel more emotionally invested, back off a bit.
Some people are okay with interacting with friends with a casual partner. This requires a great deal of compartmentalization.
Wanting to see the person more than once a week may indicate that you want more than a casual relationship.
Say, “This has been fun and I like spending time with you. However, I’m looking for a committed relationship and this isn’t it. I know this is what you want, but it is not what I want any longer. No hard feelings, but please don’t call me anymore. ”
If you’re starting to feel controlled, walk away before they break your heart. Don’t go along with something you don’t agree with. If you have feelings and they don’t, it’s best to break it off.
Casual relationships always have an expiration date. Whether one of you finds someone else or loses interest, know that it will come to an end. Just don’t hurt the person in the meantime and know when to let go.
