For example, if you’ve had a tough day, it would be normal to be able to vent to your friend, and for them to express concern for your wellbeing. If your friend seems indifferent or doesn’t have time to hear about your day, the relationship may be one-sided.
Their shifting or unpredictable behavior shows you that they do not place much importance on your friendship. However, if your friend only shows inconsistency once or twice and is otherwise a good friend, cut them some slack. They may be going through a tough or busy time in their life, and could need your support.
For example, if you ask to be in a picture with your friend and their circle of friends and they say “No,” this likely means that your friend does not want you to be in the picture since they do not consider you a friend.
Do they make plans with you and then cancel or blow them off? Do they reject the offer of spending time with you or talking to you while claiming you’re a friend? Do they say they’ll text or call you, and then never follow through on it? These are signs of a one-sided friendship. If a friend makes plans with you and then ends up canceling once, this doesn’t mean you’re in a one-sided friendship. However, if you’re seeing a constant trend in which you offer to spend time with your friend and they keep turning you down or giving noncommittal answers, you may be in a one-sided friendship.
In addition, if your friend constantly leaves you out of group activities with other friends, this is a warning sign that they don’t value your friendship.
For example, maybe your friend comes to you with every personal problem in their life and expects you to listen and give them good advice. That’s fine, but if your friend doesn’t have time to listen to your personal problems in return, you may be in a one-sided friendship.
For example, if only your mother dislikes the friend, it’s less indicative of a one-sided friendship than if both your parents and several members of your friend group say that they think your so-called friend dislikes you.
Make it clear that you want to discuss the friendship, and that the conversation will be serious.
Text-based conversation is easy to misinterpret, which can cause confusion or frustration.
For example, you could say “Maddie, it hurts me when I ask to play video games with you and your friends and you always say no and tell me to go away. This makes me feel like you don’t consider me a friend and you don’t want to hang out with me. Do you think we’re friends?”
Try saying something like, “Chris, I appreciate you as a friend, but I feel as if you always blow me off as soon as you see somebody you’d rather hang out with. I’d appreciate it if you could change and show me a little more respect as a friend. Otherwise, I’m not sure we can continue hanging out. ”
With any luck, your friend will apologize and explain that they’ll try to be a better friend in the future.
Say something like, “I don’t appreciate the way you’ve been treating me; it makes me feel as if I’m doing all the work in this friendship. You haven’t changed your behavior, so I think we should stop doing social things together. ” Or, if your friend is too busy to have a face-to-face chat, just break things off over text. Send a text that says something like, “Hey bud, haven’t heard from you much in a while. It’s probably best if we spend time with some separate friend groups for awhile. ”
Also, focus on spending time with other, sincere friends, who will be able to back you up and support you. Hopefully, your friend will take the friendship break-up in stride, and you won’t have to deal with any interpersonal or social fallout.
Look to meet new people at social venues like school, church, or your workplace. Or, meet new friends through your existing friend network.
If you begin having thoughts of self-injury or suicide, reach out to someone who can help you. Nobody should ever make you feel like you should harm yourself or end your life. There are crisis lines available if needed. Call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (US) at 988.
