You might say something like “We’ve been dating for a few months now and you still haven’t introduced me to your family or your friends. I am slightly hurt that you are keeping our relationship secret. Can you explain to me why you don’t feel comfortable with us being public?”
For example, the ex may retaliate or harbor ill will towards you simply because they are still in love with your new love. On the other hand, your new love may still have feelings for the ex, and wants to keep your relationship a secret in case the ex shows interest in getting back together. [2] X Research source
This may be annoying, but try to be empathetic if your partner is navigating parenting and dating. They may have recently separated, divorced, or had a spouse or partner pass away. Sharing news of a new relationship too soon may create emotional upheaval in children who have not quite grieved the loss of the parental relationship. What’s more, some parents simply do not like introducing their kids to new partners unless they feel that the relationship has long-term potential. If you and your partner have just started dating, give it some time. [6] X Research source
If this is the case, try to be understanding and supportive of your partner’s feelings. However, it can be frustrating to not be acknowledged, and one partner being closeted can create tension in your relationship. [7] X Research source Perhaps, it may be helpful for you to attend couples therapy or speak with a youth mentor to help you and your partner come to terms with your relationship and your sexuality.
Possible signs that you are not the only person your partner is having a relationship with are never going out anywhere or only visiting remote locations, only getting together on weeknights, and not making any mention of you on social media.
To get some perspective, talk to a trusted friend about what you are feeling. You might say, “Hey, I wanted to talk with someone about my relationship with Brandy. Will you listen?”
Be mindful of your own insecurities and fears that may have carried over from previous relationship experiences. Don’t let those affect your current relationship and the decisions you make. Discuss your doubts with your partner. Tell them what your fears and worries are and if they aren’t able to make you feel better with what they say, then this may not be a relationship in which you should stay. [8] X Research source Start the conversation with something like, “I really care about you and I like being with you, but I’m concerned. Can you explain why you want to keep us a secret?”
Reach out to a school counselor or another trusted adult to talk about what you’re feeling. Discussing the matter with an impartial third party can help you clarify what you want and decide on what you want to do about it.
In some situations, keeping a relationship secret is for the best until you decide where it’s going or make a more serious commitment. [10] X Research source Meanwhile, think of your secret relationship as something precious that the world can’t yet know about.
For example, posting a picture of the two of you on Facebook or Instagram is an easy way to take the first step. Inviting them to hang out with your friends or even attending a party together are also ideal ways to introduce your relationship. Only do this if you are sure your partner is ready to be open about your relationship. Otherwise, you could create problems by making your partner feel rushed.
Keeping your relationship a secret may actually be a blessing in disguise when you decide to leave a relationship. Not showcasing it on social media and having people ask you what happened may help you to pick up the pieces much easier than if everyone you know was aware of the relationship. [11] X Research source
Gain more awareness of your emotions. Rather than taking whatever your partner says as law, decide for yourself how you feel. Think about what you need. Is being able to share your relationship with family and friends important to you? If so, make that clear up front. Listen to your gut. You inner voice will tell you whether you feel safe and secure in your next relationship. If you get a sense of any red flags, pay attention and take action.
