Plus, if you avoid the problem too long, you may find that you start having bursts of anger at your partner, which puts a strain on your relationship.
For example, you could say, “I’d like to have a discussion about the way we argue, particularly the way I feel like I always end up being in the wrong. When’s a good time for you?” If your situation differs a bit, you could say something like, “I’d like to have a discussion with you about how I feel my opinion is often not valued. When can we talk?”
For instance, you might say, “I feel like that most of the time I end up being ‘wrong’ in an argument or discussion. I get upset because you’re insistent that you’re correct, and I end up giving up on the issue. " Alternatively, you could say, “I feel like you don’t respect my opinion or expertise in most situations. It makes me upset to always be in the wrong. " On the other hand, “You always think you’re right and I’m wrong” isn’t a good way to start the conversation.
Your partner may surprise you with what they have to say. For instance, you may find that they feel the same, that you always think they’re wrong. Once you realize that you both feel that way, you can work towards having better communication in the future. To get your partner talking, make sure to give them an opening in the conversation. For example, you could say, “Now that I’ve said my spiel, I want to hear from you. What are you thinking and feeling?”
For instance, if your partner says, “Well, that’s just stupid. You are wrong most of the time,” that’s not a very supportive or open response. On the other hand, a response such as, “I hadn’t realized that I made you feel that way. That is a problem. Let’s figure out how we can work together to resolve this issue,” is a supportive response that shows they are willing to work with you. From there, you could say, “I’m glad to hear you say that. Here’s what I think a good solution would be:” Listen to how your partner responds. If your partner cannot reciprocate the “I” statement or if they start blaming you again, it might be a sign that they are not willing to work it out.
For example, maybe you could have a safe word to halt an argument and evaluate who’s feeling like the other person is saying they’re “wrong. " Just stopping in the middle of an argument to evaluate how each of you is feeling can help to bridge the communication gap. Alternatively, you could agree that you’ll point out to your partner when you think that they’re not valuing your opinion or expertise.
That is, think about whether your partner uses tactics like thinking and telling you that you’re always wrong to change the way you act or to gaslight you (convince you that what you know to be true is wrong). In other words, say you go to a movie, and you think that the main character was rude. Afterwards, your partner tries to convince you that you’re wrong, saying things like, “The character wasn’t rude; he was just standing up for himself. You just don’t know how to stand up for yourself. You’re weak, which is why you couldn’t get along without me. " Your partner is using emotional abuse to convince you that what you think or feel is wrong, with the intention of gaining control over you. In this situation, you could say, “I disagree, and I have a right to my opinion. That character called his wife a dirty name with no remorse. That’s rude. "
For example, your partner may make you feel guilty, even about things you should be enjoying. If you decide what movie to go see, your partner might say, afterwards, “Well, I’m glad you’re happy, but that wouldn’t have been my first choice. I mean, obviously that other movie would’ve been better, but you had to see that one, so I guess it’s okay. " You could reply, “You’re not going to make me feel bad about seeing that movie. I enjoyed it, and I’m glad we went. " They may also make you feel bad because of the insecurities they hold. Maybe you decide to go out one night with your friends, and your partner doesn’t like it, saying, “I’m sorry, but I don’t like you going out with your friends. I should be enough for you, right?” You could say in return, “It sounds like you’re feeling a bit insecure about my other relationships. I do value our relationship, but I also value my friendships. I can value those friendships without devaluing our relationship. "
For instance, your partner might say something like, “It’s a good thing you’re with me because you’re getting kind of chubby. No one else would have you. " You could say, “That’s kind of rude. I’m proud of my body, and I won’t let you shame me for it. " While you can try to counter this type of talk, you should consider whether it’s worth the emotional pain to stay in the relationship.
You can discuss this with your partner. You could say, “I feel like I give more to this relationship than I take. I have needs that aren’t being met. "
Does your partner make statements that could indicate they feel superior? For instance, they might say (in seriousness, not jest), “Well, you know I’m smarter, so obviously I’m right. "
That is, a narcissist has no problem showing up very late (even an hour or more) without an apology. If you do that, you may find you’re expected to apologize and never do it again.
For instance, maybe you notice that your partner becomes particularly narcissistic when you decide to go out with your friends. In turn, that may indicate that they feel like they aren’t enough for you. You can help reassure them. You could say, “I’m going to go out with my friends tonight. That seems to bother you sometimes. Can you tell me why?”
For instance, you could say, “I feel like you always assume that I’m wrong. Can we work on that together?”
If your partner refuses to see your point of view or if they are frequently manipulating you, do not hesitate to make plans to end the relationship. Counseling can help you with this process.
A counselor or therapist can help you develop strategies to help you end the relationship. If you are married, you may want to start talking to attorneys to consider your options for divorce. [14] X Research source If you live with your partner, start thinking about where you can stay after you break up. Can you live with friends or family? Are you prepared to move into a new place on your own? Set goals for the future. Where do you want to be in a year? Focus on your goals, and you may be able to leave a narcissistic partner in the past. [15] X Research source
