For example, “I want to talk to you about the performance reviews and our raise policy. ” Be forceful about maintaining the boundaries. It’s okay to say things like, “I know you’re excited about your work at City Hall, but that’s not what we agreed to discuss. Let’s keep focused on the community garden project I’m running. ” If the person doesn’t respect your boundaries, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship. [3] X Expert Source Tala Johartchi, PsyDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 16 July 2021.
If confrontation makes you nervous, try writing a script of how you want the conversation to go and practice your part. If they say, “Did you see the memo I sent out? I really set the record straight with that one!” You can respond with, “I did see it; I actually wanted to talk about some of the language you used in it. "
For instance, if the proud person wants to talk about how the committee should have voted in their favor you can change the subject to a discussion of the limitations of democracy.
“I agree that we can be more productive, but it would help if the databases were less clunky. ” “Yes, I think that could work. But the consequences would be devastating. ” “Yes, I will finish the account, but my first priority is the presentation I’m giving this afternoon. ”
For example, “We’re just going back and forth on this. It’ll be more productive to revisit this after we’ve talked about the accounts. ” Remember to be firm and use phrases like, “This will help…” or “I know…” Try to avoid phrases like, “I think…” or “I believe…”
When you breathe deeply, be careful not to sound like you’re sighing. You don’t want to give away that you’re feeling frustrated. That will just derail the interaction.
This doesn’t have to be a permanent separation. You may wish to revisit the relationship at some point, but make it clear to the proud person that you will only do so on your own terms. Tell them that you need space to think, and you’ll reach out to them when you’re ready.
