For example, you might say, “You seem wrapped up in the negative things that have been happening in your life. What’s going on?” Encourage your friend to seek help if they’re depressed or dealing with other serious issues. Advise your friend to talk to a school counselor or a therapist.
Some friends ask for help but never give anything in return. In this case, they’re taking more from the relationship than they’re giving, leaving it one-sided. Others talk themselves all the time but never ask how you are. If you do talk, they seem uninterested. This is another example of a one-sided relationship. Another type of selfishness is attention seeking. They may constantly call you and try to get you to hang out. They don’t respect your need for alone-time.
Selfish or self-centered people may be insecure or have a negative self image. As such, they look for attention or try to get others to think about them. Consider their childhood. Maybe they expect attention because that’s what they’re used to. Maybe they’re desperate for attention because they never got any growing up.
Have you ever interrupted someone during a conversation? Have you ever gotten bored when someone else was talking and started thinking about a problem of your own? Did you ever insist someone to spend time with you, even though you knew that they weren’t feeling well?
Ensure that you have enough time for an in-depth conversation where you can get all of your thoughts out. An hour-long block should be enough. Choose a private place, such as a quiet park or one of your homes. Avoid restaurants, shops or bars. It may be hard to talk about personal issues with so many people around. Also, a poor reaction from your friend may create an embarrassing situation.
For a friend who asks too many favors, say: “It really bothers me that you expect so much of me, but you don’t give much in return. ” If they talk about themselves too much, try: “You spend a lot of time talking about your feelings, but you never have much time to listen to me talk. " If they always ask for help dealing with drama, say: “I know you’ve had some drama lately, but it’s difficult for me to keep helping you. You’re a great friend, but I feel like I’m doing too much work. "
If they often ask for money, talk about how this makes you feel. For example, it might make you feel as if they only want you for your money, not your friendship. For a friend that constantly complains but has no time for your problems, talk about how you feel less important in the relationship. Some friends may spend time at your house and make messes. Explain to them how frustrated you feel when they don’t pitch in. Keep in mind, however, that this may be simply due to growing up in a home where not cleaning up is acceptable.
If your friend says that they never realized how bad their behavior was and wants to fix it, you’re on the right track. You may be able to work out a plan. It’s not a good sign if they seem uninterested and don’t see a need to change. You may need to end this type of friendship. Be understanding if they give excuses, especially if it deals with a big problem, like a death in the family. Wait until they’re in a better frame of mind.
For example, if you’re tired of them talking all of the time and not listening to you, you could say: “I’d really appreciate it if you could listen more to what I have to say. "
Let your friend know when they act selfish, such as constantly seeking attention by spamming you with text messages. If your friend made a promise to fix their behavior, then remind them of that promise. It’s possible they forgot, and just need a gentle reminder.
For example, if they always talk about themselves whenever you hang out, you could decline the invitation. You could also accept it, but steer the conversation your way. For example, if your friend is always looking for sympathy, stop giving it to them. Instead, offer solutions or help them see the positive side of the situation.
Don’t let your friend’s behavior get to you or make you feel bad about yourself.
Talk to your friend every few days. See if they’re doing better in their personal lives, or whether they’re holding up their promise to be less selfish. Hanging out with your friend is a great way to tell if their behavior is changing. Spend time together as you normally would, and see if your friendship feels different or improved. Talk to mutual friends to see if their promise has bled over into their other relationships. Other mutual friends may see an improvement in their behavior, or they may see the same old selfish actions.
If they’re the type who usually ignores you when you need help, this may help them understand how you feel, and encourage them to change.
While it’s hard to do, toxic and negative people deserve no part in your life.
