In the US: http://www. thehotline. org/ :The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233(SAFE) In the UK: http://www. womensaid. org. uk/: Women’s Aid 0808 2000 247 In Australia: https://www. 1800respect. org. au/: 1800Respect 1800 737 732 Worldwide: http://www. hotpeachpages. net/: The International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies
Your boyfriend has never hit you. Emotional or verbal abuse is still abuse. [1] X Expert Source Nicole MooreLove & Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 6 October 2021. The abuse doesn’t seem as bad as other instances of abuse you’ve heard about. [2] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Physical violence has only happened once or twice. Any physical violence is a sign that more is possible. [3] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source The abuse stopped when you became passive, stopped arguing, or refrained from expressing your own thoughts or opinions. [4] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Think about where you’re going to go when you leave. Know what you need to take with you. If necessary, pack an “emergency bag” and hide it somewhere so that it is ready to go when you are. [6] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source If you share a cell phone plan, remember that many phones have GPS tracking capability, and he may be able to find you or monitor you through your cell phone. Consider leaving it behind and getting a new phone and number. Decide what steps you need to take to stay safe after you leave. Do you need a restraining order? A new town? A new identity? New locks on your doors? Make a plan to keep others safe. Kids or pets might need to get out, too, and they may or may not be able to stay with you. Make a plan for dependents when you leave.
Do not try to end the relationship while you are at home alone with your abuser. Your attempt may cause his abuse to escalate, and you might be putting yourself in serious danger. Consider breaking up in writing or over the phone, even if that’s not how you would normally break up; your safety is more important than social graces. If you feel you must break up with an abusive boyfriend face to face, do it in public, with other people present, and keep the conversation brief. Be short and to-the-point. You can say something simple like, “we cannot be together anymore. ” Try to avoid any phrases like “right now,” “at this time,” or “until you change. ” You should close the door fully on the relationship.
As soon as possible, you should get in touch with a domestic abuse counselor and learn about your options moving forward. Depending on your situation and the length of your relationship, it may be difficult to get a new job, a new apartment, or make the other big changes this might require. Domestic abuse counselors can help.
You need to document all of the correspondence that you receive, particularly if it contains threats of violence. If you are able to, you should document any physical abuse that happened while you were with the abuser or that he inflicts after the breakup. This is an essential part of building a legal case against your abuser and it may help in the event that you need a restraining order.
If the court approves your restraining order, it will need to be legally served to your abuser. After it has been served, you will file a proof of service with the court. Talk to the clerk at the courthouse about how to do this. Keep a copy of your restraining order with you all the time so that you can show it to the police if necessary. You never know where you will be when and if your abuser decides to violate the order. Be aware that a restraining order does not guarantee your protection. [7] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source It makes it easier to have your abuser arrested in the event of further incidents, but it may do little to keep a violent abuser away from you completely.
If you’ve suffered abuse, there’s nothing to discuss. Don’t listen to any negotiation, any apologies, any promises that your boyfriend will “never do this again. " Abuse breaks the deal. Abuse ends a relationship.
If you go to school with your abuser, or work with your abuser, or otherwise see him frequently, try to ignore his presence as much as possible. Try and walk with others at all times, when you’re going to and from work or your car. You can also talk to your boss, the HR department, or a school counselor about changing your work location, work hours, or class schedule to keep yourself safe.
Seek therapy to work on your self-confidence. Rely on friends and family to rebuild your social connections. Seek healthy new relationships that are entirely without abuse. [10] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Be careful not to translate your anger into risky or self-destructive behaviors, and try to process it safely.
Let yourself mourn for a time, and then get busy. With any break up, you may want to spend a week in bed, unable to do much but be depressed. That’s ok, but it’s also important to recognize when it’s time to get out of bed and start moving on. Try to avoid focusing too much on ideas about lost time and regret. You took an important step in ending your relationship and moving forward. Just be glad you didn’t spend more time with the person, or get locked into a never-ending cycle of abuse. Look forward to the future.
