Sibling abuse may be physical, emotional, or sexual, and is most often perpetrated by one sibling against the other. Abuse is often an act of power and control. If a sibling tries to make you feel powerless, neglected, or devalued, it is likely an abusive situation. When in doubt, try to seek help through professional opinion and evaluation of the situation.
Emotional abuse often makes you feel as though you are walking on eggshells, like anything you do could send your sibling into a rampage or spiral of criticism. [3] X Research source Emotional abuse often leaves victims feeling unheard or unseen, unlovable, and like they don’t matter. Emotional abuse may take many forms, but it can include your sibling constantly criticizing your looks, work, or academic performance. It may also include your sibling trying to convince you that you are not respected or wanted by the rest of your family.
Common forms of physical abuse may include hitting, kicking, biting, throwing objects at another, or any other form of physical exertion from an antagonist meant to overpower a victim. Some signs of physical abuse may include bruising, broken bones, burns, bite marks, cuts, abrasions, scarring, and others.
Sibling sexual abuse does not have to include forced sexual acts to be abuse. It may also come in the forms of unwanted exposure or unwanted touching. [6] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source If you believe there is a problem with sibling sexual abuse in your home, it is advisable to contact law enforcement or a social worker as soon as possible.
Explain to your parents or guardians that what they perceive as rivalry is actually a progression of situations where your sibling makes you the victim of their aggression. Try saying, “You may see the roughhousing between the two of us as just a part of being siblings, but I am always made the victim of my sibling’s violence, and it has had a serious impact on me. " Let your parents or guardians know that you are looking for solutions to stop the cycle of abuse, and that you need their help and emotional support. Tell them, “I want our family to have a happy, healthy, relationship and I need your help to end these unhealthy practices by my sibling. " Sometimes parents or guardians may minimize the abuse as not being that big a problem. In that case, try to find another adult you do trust and confide in them. [7] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 Aug 2020.
Ask them, “Is it all right for me to stay with you sometimes when my sibling becomes too aggressive to handle?” If you want help speaking with professionals such as a therapist or law enforcement, let this person know and ask them, “Would you mind helping me file reports or make appointments?” Have this person appeal to your parents or sibling as a third party. Allow them to explain the abuses they have seen, and discuss why they are problematic. Let them be your advocate.
For immediate help, alert the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-Child. If you are a minor, you may also want to alert Child Protective Services, especially if you feel endangered in your own home. [10] X Trustworthy Source Child Welfare Information Gateway Online portal managed by the U. S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse prevention Go to source Do understand that those found guilty of assault or abuse could face extended jail time. Do not let this deter you from reporting a true abuser, but do not lightly make claims due to small disagreements.
If you are still in a home with your sibling and parents or guardians, ask for the family to attend family counseling. Use this as an opportunity for professional mediation and as a chance to address issues as a group. If you are dealing with the aftermath of sibling abuse, therapy may provide a long-term way to begin the healing process. Find a therapist that specializes in abuse, and let them know about your situation during your first appointment. Find affordable therapy options by getting a referral from your general practitioner. Alternatively, try looking at local clinics staffed by college PhD and MSW candidates, as these often offer sliding scale payment and sometimes they offer free counseling as well. [11] X Research source
Let your sibling know, “I can help you look into options such as therapy or support groups if that is what you want. " Listen to and be understanding of what your sibling is saying, but do not allow them to continue acting out their personal traumas on you.
View this as a short term fix while you seek longer term solutions. Your sibling’s abuse shouldn’t keep you from things you enjoy or drive you away from the rest of your family. Don’t treat distancing yourself as a long term solution. Let others know that you are not leaving because of their presence or behavior, but because you are trying to avoid a potentially harmful situation. Offer to schedule time with others when your sibling won’t be involved.
If possible, try to have an open and honest conversation with your sibling. Try to resolve any tension by telling them, “Your actions toward me have been abusive and have hurt me in a number of ways. ” If honest conversation does not seem like it will have any impact on your sibling’s actions, set boundaries with them such as letting them know you will not acknowledge their calls, texts, or attempts to have a conversation with you. Remind them that you are looking into ways to cope with the abuse, which may include getting other family members or authority figures involved.
Tell your sibling, “Your actions are not healthy and I can no longer deal with them. ” If necessary, block your sibling on your normal channels of communication such as on the phone and through social media.
