Keep in mind that you are not alone. This situation happens to many people. When he tells you he needs space and you are upset you can say, “I’m really upset about this, but if you need space then I will find a way to be okay with that. It would help me if you could explain why, but maybe you’re not sure. ” This could lead him to either explain or tell you, “I don’t really know. ” He may not know, and you may never know. You can’t force him to explain. The situation and timing may not allow you to discuss all the things you want to discuss. Ask him, “This is a lot to think about and it seems kind of rushed. Is it okay if we talk about this later? I know I’m going to have questions, and maybe you need to think about things. ” He will either agree or disagree. You have the right to ask for what you want, and he is entitled to do the same.

He may say he doesn’t want to text, and then does so late at night or after he has been drinking alcohol. You can choose to ignore the text messages, or tell him that you feel confused and led on by this behavior and that it feels hurtful. Ask him to explain his behaviors and take responsibility.

You may have mutual friends that could invite you both to social events. This may be upsetting for both of you. It might be good for you to talk to friends or check in about those events and plan. [2] X Expert Source Luis CongdonRelationship Coach Expert Interview. 3 September 2021.

You can say, “Okay, just so we’re clear and in agreement, we will not be talking, texting, e-mailing or messaging through other social media channels. And we can say, “Hello” to each other and be civil, but that’s it for communication. I’m in agreement with all of this, are you?”

For example, if you are at a party and you see him talking to a person of possible interest don’t approach and say things to embarrass him, yourself or the person with whom he is talking. [3] X Expert Source Luis CongdonRelationship Coach Expert Interview. 3 September 2021.

If you are able to meet with him, ask him, “I don’t want this to be weird and awkward, but is there any way that you can explain your reasons for needing space?" This will start the conversation. Be prepared to hear the good and the bad. Tell yourself you can handle it. If he refuses to meet with you, don’t push it. He is your ex-boyfriend, so you probably know him pretty well and have a hunch. Trust your gut. You might never know why. Focus on your own wants and needs and getting yourself on a more positive path.

Once the immediate shock of the situation has lessened, make a list of qualities you look for in a person with whom you would have a relationship. Read the list to a close friend or family member that you trust to assess if you are being realistic. A dose of reality might be just what you need.

If you choose an unhealthy way to blow off steam, forgive yourself and move on. Focus on keeping yourself safe and be kind to yourself. You’re going through a lot so don’t make things more difficult.

Grief is an individual journey. Everyone experiences it differently. Don’t rush yourself and don’t allow others to rush you through your grief. [7] X Expert Source Luis CongdonRelationship Coach Expert Interview. 3 September 2021. You may find it helpful to give yourself a “time limit” to grieve. This should not be intended to make you feel guilty about your emotions, but to help you recognize that there is life beyond this loss, and that you’ll be okay.

Did he make you feel pretty? Did he help you feel not so alone in the world? Did he make you laugh? Find an alternative way to meet your needs. Introspection is the process of directly attempting to access your own internal processes. [9] X Research source Figure out how and why you react to the people and things around you, and you will be able to help yourself solve many personal struggles. Only you can do the work to answers to these questions.

Sit down and make a list of the things you learned from your ex-boyfriend. Write about the positive things that happened too. It is easy to only see the negative when you are in the midst of all the pain; but no relationship is all bad.

Write a letter to the person, but do not send it. Include all the significant emotional experiences you shared. Thank him for the good times, and the bad. Express the anger. Tell him, “I no longer need the pain that I am feeling so I am giving it back to you. Good-bye. “[10] X Research source Read the letter out loud to yourself or to a trusted friend or family member, then burn the letter in a safe place. Fire is a form of cleansing and can allow the energy of your turmoil to change. [11] X Research source If you decide to allow him back into your life, the emotional work you do will always be worth it. You can use these skills for the rest of your life.

If you try to let something go and it continues to eat at you, then you likely need to process more feelings. This may include talking with a trusted friend or family member, writing, or going for a hike to physically work out your emotions. [12] X Expert Source Luis CongdonRelationship Coach Expert Interview. 3 September 2021. It can be upsetting if someone tells you to “just let it go” if you haven’t reached a level of resolve about the matter. Take a deep breath and say, “I’m working on letting it go, but I’m not there yet. ” Once you settle into a feeling of balanced perspective, you will see that some things are worth getting upset about, and some are not.

If you catch yourself thinking these things pause and say, “These thoughts are occurring because I’ve just been hurt. There is nothing wrong with me. I am a kind, good person whom others love. ”[13] X Research source Catalog a mental list of your good qualities. Remember your accomplishments and allow those thoughts to fill your mind and push out negative thoughts.

Stay away from activities that make you feel inferior. If playing with puzzles makes you feel less intelligent, don’t play with them. If you hate the way shopping for a bathing suit makes you feel, wait and buy it later. Stay focused and engaged in everything positive for the time being.

Look at it as paying honor to yourself and your desires. This will help you affirm that you matter.

Suppressing your feelings can create other health problems, so let them have their day in the sun.

People might say things like, “Did you do something different? You look great. ” Your response can be, “Thank you. Yes, I decided to be happy and it is working for me. ”

If he seems hesitant or deceptive in any way, take a step back and evaluate if you really want to risk heartache again with this person. You reserve the right to decline.