hesitance to take on responsibility and a fear of doing the wrong thing an inability to ask for help and/or take critical feedback defensiveness or a tendency to blame others a need for external validation
Maybe your coworker prefaced a point they made with, “This probably doesn’t make sense. " Encourage them by saying, “That makes perfect sense. You make an excellent point. " You don’t have to give the person constant reassurance, but a few positive comments throughout the week can really help someone feel better about their performance.
Offering and asking for help fosters a trusting, collaborative atmosphere. That way, your colleague can realize that everyone has strengths and weaknesses in the workplace, not just them. Say something like, “When I first started in this role, I had a really hard time with the database system. Let me know if I can ever help or answer any questions!” To ask for help, try, “I’m struggling a little bit with this PowerPoint project. Your PowerPoint in the meeting last week was great. Do you have any tips?”
If your coworker puts you down or takes out their insecurity on you, try your best not to take it personally. You by no means deserve to be mistreated, but it can help to remember that this person’s behavior has nothing to do with you. [5] X Expert Source Melody Godfred, JDCareer Coach Expert Interview. 29 April 2020.
Next time you see them in the break room, say something like, “Hey Alex, I heard you just got a new cat. Have you decided on a name?” Even a brief “How’s your day going?” by the water cooler can really show that you care and improve someone’s confidence. Over time, this can help establish trust between you and this coworker. This can make them feel more secure in their position on the team.
If you need some time to yourself, you might tell them, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I’ve got a lot of projects that I need to focus on today. I’m going to need to get back to my work!” They might try to make you feel guilty for needing some time away from them. If they do, try your best to brush off this behavior. Focus on your work and the things that make you happy. You’ve done nothing wrong. Taking care of yourself can help you be more effective when you work with your coworker. By meeting your own needs first, you won’t feel so stressed and will have the tools to assist them. [9] X Research source Practicing self-care can also prevent you from internalizing your insecure coworker’s behavior or taking it personally. [10] X Expert Source Melody Godfred, JDCareer Coach Expert Interview. 29 April 2020.
Don’t entertain passive aggression. Say something like “Thank you for your feedback. I’ve got a lot of work to finish up, so I think I have to get back to my desk” and be on your way. Sometimes insecure people try to build up their confidence through gossip or taking others down. If this coworker does this, don’t engage. [12] X Expert Source Melody Godfred, JDCareer Coach Expert Interview. 29 April 2020. Change the subject or leave the conversation instead. [13] X Research source
This can help the employee feel more secure doing the work on their own.
Be very sensitive when discussing this issue, as it may be hard for an insecure person to receive constructive criticism. Try prefacing your feedback with some compliments on things they do well first. Start with something like, “I’m always so impressed by how passionate you are about this work. " Follow that with your feedback, i. e. “It would really improve your performance if you were a little more receptive to your coworkers’ perspective in meetings. Sometimes working as a team means listening to another point of view. " If they continue to struggle with no improvement, you may have to address the issue with them again. Though it may be tough, sometimes the role may just not be a good fit. Be honest with them and yourself if that is the case.
Bring in specific examples of how this coworker’s insecurity has affected your morale and work performance. For example, if they get defensive anytime you try to bring up feedback, cite how this affects the efficiency and outcome of group projects.
